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My mother is 65 years old. To me shes too young to be the way she is but I do accept that she has changed to be someone else. My mother has mental issues bi polar, depression, dementia, schizophrenia and heart issues. She lives with my 22 year old brother that has a disability, cebral palsy and she has her husband. We have been working on getting POA for a while but there seems like there is no more time for it.


She's acting out badly. She nags for cigarettes.... it's a never ending nagging that her husband sleeps in living room. He usually gives in just to make her stop. ( I know that's not good but he has to get up at 4am) her nagging is awful that brother locks himself in his room. She would call 911 for cigarettes or gowns. If she doesn't get what she wants she hits you. She falls, shes using diapers, she can't take care of herself. I came to visit to try some clothes on but I couldn't. She was dirty. I asked her if she took a shower and she said yes. (you might think she needs a caregiver) She doesnt have a caregiver because she fault with two of them already. I take her to her doctor's visits and she opens the door and tries to jump out. (Sorry but I couldn't get the child locks to work) now it's becoming too overwhelming.


My brother wants to go on with his life and I don't blame him. He can't leave cause she's not ok to be on her own. Her husband doesn't have a green card so we're thinking he can't make decisions for her. No she will not go to a home willing. We're so lost and don't know what to do. It's getting worse.

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Totally agree with mstrbill. Been there. Done that.
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Call 911 at the next provocation. Have her taken by ambulance to ER. When police show up, tell them the story. Make it clear she needs to go, in other words give them the story that makes it clear she needs to be evaluated for everyone's safety. That's the first step. The next step is ensuring she doesn't come home.
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Ginna011 Sep 2020
Wow !
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Borrow money from naneeeee.
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Have lots of money
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Regarding your Brother - he is 22, an adult & he CAN leave.

Who is saying he can't?

Himself? (By some idea of unfounded guilt) Mother? (She has no right to insist an adult offspring is her carer) or you? (as you feel he lives there & should stay).

Would you consider putting him up until he could get better sorted?

A Social Worker would be useful to help work out his needs, help connect him to services & work out his own longer term living arrangements.

Your Mother lives with her Husband.

Your Brother is entitled to live his own life & live where he chooses.
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Ginna011 Sep 2020
Obviously he’s been choosing there .

my guess is she is his PAYEE
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Firstly, before I waffle on...

Q do you think your Mother is a danger to herself? (self-harm, self-neglect)

Q is she a danger to others?

Q do you suspect abuse or neglect form her Husband?

If yes to any with absolute urgency, call EMS.

Is yes to any (but not time critical), please call APS to investigate.
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Dementiamom55 Oct 2020
I get what your saying. She can't take care of herself. Yes, she's a danger to her self and others. My brother doesn't leave because of the feeling of just leaving her alone. Her husband is not from the u.s. so he's working. Just this sunday my mom destroyed the house. My brother called the police and they did she needed a referral from her doctor to go to behavioral hospital. Smh! So they left. My brother called me and I was so angry. I called 911 told them what dumb officer got sent out there and said she needed a referral. The officer was told she was a harm to herself and others and they didn't take her in. My brother didn't get the officers name. Again later another officer comes out and she was yelling and cursing about killing herself. (Now this is the part that makes me do angry) They take her handcuff to the hospital. I get a phone call hours later shes being released. They treated her for her hurt finger. I called the doctor she can't be released she is suicidal. He said be asked her and she said no. So he can't put her in a behavioral hospital against her will. But I kept telling him she's lying and bla bla. The last thing I asked was... ok, so you send her home and she does do something, who's responsible? And he hung up on me. The officers and ems know my mom so does the hospital. I feel they look at it as oh, this lady again. Its just too hard. It doesn't make sense my brother and I together have it all together, were normal and we can't seem to get my put where she needs to be and my mother that is sick has full control over this. Its like a 3 year old my mom and us at 16 years old, were losing the game. It just doesn't make sense.
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Have you asked Adult Protective Services (APS) to pay a visit?

If mom is competent, she is entitled to make her own (bad) decisions.

Your brother CAN leave, but he should inform APS that she is a vulnerable adult.
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Dementiamom55 Oct 2020
Yes, I called APS. They can't do anything. It's the law. I told them.... so my mom can fall out of the tub and break a leg or arm and she can still speak for herself she still has the say so about going to a home? She still has her right. Its just too crazy.
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Perhaps she’s not yelling but just showing large caps so we can read it better.,Kind of like the readers digest in bold print. In fact on my iPhone there are settings where you can make the text messages you receive bigger and bold print.,As we get older, it’s harder to see. Especially small print. The only reason I say this is because my mothers doctor types on her portal to me all in caps.,I would like to think she is not yelling at me.
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Your yelling with all caps makes this too hard for me to read. Maybe someone else will be able to read it.
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