Here are the details: 82 yr old mom is rapidly declining. In and out of hosp/NH 4 times in just over a year. She has dementia and doesn't make good choices for her own well being which led to her developing stage 4 bedsore (refused wound clinic, refused to take vitamin, didn't stay off coccyx). She's now in an NH for rehab again after being released from one then going back in a week later. I cared for her at home but I am bipolar on SSDI and became depressed, anxious then suidical trying to care for her with 160 hours non stop. I cannot tolerate caregiver stress. She was readmitted to hospital with UTI then back to nursing home where she is now.
She is extremely confused at times and cannot articulate ideas she has about things at all at times, cannot do any level of care for herself aside from feeding herself and even needs foods very close to her even for that. She cannot stand well, they use EZ transfer to try to get her to stand (PT). She refuses PT now because of some delusion she has about something with her foot. Our home is a hoarder house that I've been gradually cleaning the last year but it's still a mess. She shopped her brains out and never did care for house. Stopped cleaning ages ago.
I know she wants to come home at some time though it seems she may not want to come home right now. I cannot tell due to her confusion. She knows I cannot care for her and she knows she has limited funds to afford home care. She knows she needs round the clock care (as best as I can tell she seems to understand this). I live with her and the home is in my name with hers. I have POA financial and health and we have an elder law attorney who is currently transferring funds so we can get her on Medicaid hopefully for October. We have just begun to consider guardianship too.
I read a lot about elderly who want to stay home or not go into a nursing home have the right to do so, but if they cannot care for themselves, are confused and refusing health care they need, are not even able to articulate thoughts in any kind of coherent manner, if their home is not 100% safe due to haording and some need for repair, and if the person whose care they would be discharged into is a disabled mentally ill adult who has stated that she cannot care for the mother at all due to her own mental illness, would it finally be accepted that this person NEEDS to be in an NH despite she might want to be at home?
I'm at a loss here because I have tried to talk to the NH caseworker and another person about her staying there and they always say if she wants to go home she can. End of story. She has made no improvement, has only deteriorated more. I just don't see how home would be safe or good for her in any way and am looking for thoughts about how I can get her into an NH where she will be safe and get the care she needs around the clock.