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Hope72,
I feel you and my prayers are with you. My mother has been diagnosed with alzheimer/dementia, and she also is very stubborn. I wish my mom would let me help her bath, she refuses to bathe at all, the smell is aweful most times, I try to get the sheets out daily and all the other pee pee clothes, daily, along with empting her toilet. My 84 year old mom had a stroke 12 years ago and I think she is afraid to get into bath and when she does she uses her walker, which is very dangerous, I have no control, its over whelming. I've been living with her for 5 years.
Hope72 sorry to say but I think your loved one needs to be in a nursing home just like my mom. Its time for you Hope72 to relax and smell the flowers
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Also 4 the bath issue, when out of the shower, l pat ma dry, then put cream all over her! That seems to help her skin! At bedtime l spray a lavender sent on her pillows, and turn on her CD of Vince Gill...her favorite! Then she is in heaven! I go try to keep her music going till she is asleep!:) seems to work most times Hope this helps those of you that still have bath issues.
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All day long, while l'm working in the house or out, the most common question is are you ready for a shower! If not today, it will be sometime tomorrow! I. Ever give up, it's works for me, ALWAYS!:)
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Cloud: Good luck with the tub mat idea,.though.
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Cloud: I understand what bathmats are for. Just saying it's not going to make him want to bathe any faster.
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Those towels are used in hospitals to give bedbound patients baths. Warmed in the microwave and used while warm really does buy you a few days. Not as good as a real shower, but better than lying in dirty clothes. Also, there is something in them that is especially good for cleaning dry fecal matter off tender skin. They were a godsend. Also, there is a liquid of the same type of soap/lotion that you can mix up in a large bowl of hot water--use plenty of washcloths and you get the same effect, lots cheaper. My FIL would do a week in the same pants if he could. I forced him to change his underwear daily. He wore, believe it or not, thong type men's "briefs"..to the day he died. Refused to wear tidy-whiteys, as they're called and this caused more than one embarrassing scene when away from home. That's one battle I just gave up on---loved his animal print thongs. (Don't even try to wrap your brain around it).
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Well I think we are getting to this point - I did see that there is a water less bath lotion that cleans without them getting into the shower. Below is one type:
Comfort-Cleansing-Ultra-Thick-Disposable-Washcloths
My father will actually sleep in his clothes, sometimes.
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You left a lot of information out, moanddo. If there isn't anything physically wrong with your husband other than just lazy and doesn't want to bother with it, I would suggest telling him how you feel and what you want. Sometimes, men don't think they smell funny or sweaty but if he does, tell him and explain that you shower because you are around him and you don't want to smell bad and he should do the same. Most men, after working all day, should shower and brush their teeth before going to bed each night and women should do the same. A quick rinse off in the AM is all that is needed unless last night included sex then you may need a full shower as well. I personally, wouldn't go to the same bed as one who didn't shower. The sheets will be sweaty and smelly and over time, you can't get the discoloration out. If he is ill or has some disease that prevents him from showering, you need to talk with his doctor about using the bath cloths that you microwave. They are great and he can do it by himself sitting in a chair. If you provide more information about him and his condition, people who are trying to help you can better answer the questions. Good luck in trying to get him to the water!!
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I don't think the bathtub mat is going to make a difference to his already ill mind. It's not like he's going to have an awakening to think "oh, I can't wait to sit on that bathmat."
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I suppose you have to pick your battles, but as the disease progresses, you can't rely on the patient to make sound decisions about their care.

My cousin, who has Vascular and AD, had a band aid on her toe that she resisted taking off. There was no injury or reason for it. It was just creating a dangerous area that created a barrier to air. Fungus had set in. I had to insist it come off. Some things are not negotiable. I'm not sure how imperative it is for a man to shower, but I would think that the longer you wait, the more difficult it might be to get on a schedule later on.
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Men and women who have dementia do NOT care about appearances because they do not know they should be groomed. The same goes for matches for colors/prints in clothing. Do not sweat the small stuff! They are dealing with enough confusion...
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Men generally don't take the same time on cleanliness as woman do. My husband does not shower every day nor brush his teeth before bed. It seems I take a lot longer getting ready. Women take pride in their appearance.
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Yes showers are most dificult to get done without a Brattleboro! My mom is 92 and has severe dementia! She can be stubborn to say the least! I can not ask mom if she would do anything, l tell her we have to shower! If she gets difficult l keep trying at different times during the day! If not then, we use the tolit an l wash her while were in bathroom! It takes more time but we get the job done! Same way with every thing else! She will hit me an l stay clear of her for awhile! Then try again! She is depressed an delusional. Lots of issues, she takes Zoloft, an doxepin at night! Not sure any of that works any more! Sometimes there are just not any answers! I do the best l can! I'm 72 an maybe this is the problem, l can only do so much, an don't get all excited any more! I have been living in her home for 2yrs now, an l think l am ready to go home! 4 siblings an no one will take care of her or help!
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Thank you Cloudbank , I'm going to suggest that . So far he won't use the tub / shower , I keep suggesting, Maybe the shower wand would help. donna
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Thank you for all your time and suggestions. My husband is in early/moderate AD so some fo the ideas I'm not ready for , but sure will keep them in mind for future. He says he's afraid of falling and he doesn't want to get wet all over !! He also doesn't like our single shower anymore, says it's not. big enough and he hasn't changed size. I've suggested using the larger shower but he won't. When he does shower, he won't any other time of day till around 2 in the morning . Thanks again , I'm sure I'll ask for more ideas, these forums are wonderful. donna
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We had this problem with my father. If left up to him, he would have never bathed. So once or twice a week, he was told that he was going to bathe. I would warm the house and set a towel on one of the vents so it would be warm. Then my mother would turn the water on in the walk-in shower so that it would be ready for him to step in. There was a shower seat inside, so she would help him in and then sit in the bathroom until he was finished. He always felt better after his bath, so the feeling was rewarding to him, I know.

It is important for men to keep clean and a wipe bath is not really the best option. The skin of their private areas can get raw and sore if not kept clean, particularly if they wear protective undergarments. If they don't want to bathe, it is best to let them know there is no option. They are going to bathe. Then make it as pleasant as possible and let them has as much privacy as their condition will allow.
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My husband has FTD(frontal temporal dementia), age 60 and I can not get him into the shower. He pushes against the side frame and glass door, really resisting. He is strong and I am afraid the glass will break. I have had to give sponge baths and soak feet in a basin as a resort. I recently bought a peribottle with a long nozzle to help with pericare which he slightly is against also. The baby wipes help too but a good shower would be so nice for him. HIs caregiver has not had any luck either and he is in attends 24 hrs a day now. I suggest to just take it a day at a time. I am hoping this is a phase. Just do the best you can.
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Address safety and comfort concerns. Depending on your environment...up here in the cold north it's important to make sure the room is warm, there are plenty of towels to wrap up with afterwards, put a heater in the room ahead of time; run the water in advance to make sure it's warm; have a safe spot to sit; use a shower hose to avoid spraying the face but also shower hoses let parts of the body get really cold, so be careful about that. In other words, do everything you can to make it a comfortable environment. Then insist. Promise something nice afterwards like a favorite snack.
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This was my FIL--who had bowel incontinence issues during the last year of his life. We DID get in home nursing care, but found they were just kids, really, and weren't actually making sure he bathed. Never a fastidiously clean man to begin with, as he aged and was very sick, he just gave it up entirely. Then he smelled to high heaven! My hubby would NOT interfere, said he respected his dignity too much. I had to get so tough--say "Dad, if you don't get in that shower and scrub yourself head to foot, I will get in with you". He finally took me at my word and did make better attempts at cleaning himself. Had no dementia, was just tired. That tactic always worked, also he tried to tell me he HAD just showered, but I would go check the shower and it would be bone dry. I hated being the "bad guy", but he smelled so bad--and fecal matter left on skin can cause all kinds of irritations and other issues. I wasn't being "mean", I was caring for him. He also had packs and packs of "sponge bath" towelettes--actually they were really large and could be warmed in the microwave to be really warm and more gentle to sponge bathe with. He looked upon those as "diaper wipes" and wouldn't use them. Once in a while he'd be in the hospital for a few days and THEY could get him in a shower, no problem, every single day. Also, I washed his clothes and bleached everything that could be bleached and double washed all his pants with Borax to get the smell out. It was a rough year..for sure. Not sure I handled it well, but did the best I could.
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You do not describe any medical issues, so it is really difficult to answer. If your husband has dementia, running water from a shower has been shown to equate to fire burning dementia patients (according to ASU research). So switch for sponge baths or hire someone to help with his shower. I just tell mine it is shower day, he smells, and he usually says he showered yesterday, but I tell him so he didn't. Don't sweat the small stuff...
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My family had this problem with my father. For a period of time, we could only get Dad to shower if he was getting ready for church. My Dad never showered in the morning, so two or three times a week we would tell Dad that church was the next day. Most of the time that would work for getting him to shower. Is there and activity your husband participates in that he will always (or almost always) shower for. Could you tell him that it is time to shower for the activity?
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You don't share many details. Here are a couple suggestions that may or may not help. Try showering with him...to coax him in, help him bathe, if needed. Use bathing items he likes: favorite brands/smells/colors.
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Ask his MD to write an order for an occupational therapist (OT) who can come to the house and show him how to safely get in and out of the tub. You may have to add grab bars and a shower chair for his safety.
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