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Your husband is displaying typical dementia behavior, as explained to you in your other posts on this subject. You don't get a person with dementia to stop doing what they're doing....instead, you find something for HIM to do to occupy himself. Send him to adult daycare, for instance. Hire an aide to take him for walks. Provide him with bolts and nuts to sort. Towels to fold. Coloring books to color. Fidget blankets to use. You cannot expect him to do nothing all day while you do chores and not get bored. What is your plan to keep him busy too? Have you read any of recommended books on dementia?
Just a note to point out that many ideas of things for him to do are great - except when they aren't! The demented often develop behaviors that suddenly appear, and then they're trying to eat the towels you gave them to fold. Or putting small objects in their mouths, in which case they can't be allowed to do that activity. Or flushing things down the toilet when you've given them the chore of cleaning the sink. It could be a toothbrush, a washcloth, an orange, a flower, or their underwear.
So don't get the idea that because they're quietly busy, they are safe. You still have to be hypervigilant almost every minute of the day. As I said, the behaviors appear out of nowhere.
It does suddenly become hazardous out of the blue. My stepfather opened the TV remote and we caught him with the batteries in his mouth. There was a big cleanup effort that day, packing away everything he might swallow or stick in his ear. We didn't see it coming; he even said "don't tell anybody I did that."
This behavior is frustrating and tiring for family members. In addition to trying to learn to live with this behavior, please make your home safe. Lock up knives and other sharp objects, medications, and toxic substances. If your husband doesn't know what an item is, he might use it inappropriately. If you have a garbage disposal, consider turning it off. Make garbage and recycling containers inaccessible to your husband. My late mother-in-law, who had Alzheimer's disease for more than 10 years, went through a phase when she would try to clean out the garbage disposal, would pull empty soda cans out of the recycling, and would remove dirty tissues from the garbage.
He is curious about his surroundings, and finding things unfamiliar to him, so he's asking you in an attempt to make sense of it all. Just indulge him. Sure, it's an interruption. Everything about taking care of someone with dementia is an interruption of your prior life. It's a lot like taking care of a toddler, and can be exhausting! When you are too busy to respond, tell him you can't help him with that right now, but you will be available later to help him. Do you have a lot of knick-knacks around the house for him to pick up and move around? I would pack them up in boxes and store them out of sight. Reduce the number of things he can move around. Or just let him do whatever he wants with them. Ask him what he would like to do with it, and let him decide. Your house will be in disarray for a while. Just go with it. That's what it's like living with dementia. Everything about your prior life has changed.
If he's just looking for a way to occupy his time, give him some busy work, a simple project, any household chores that he is able to manage, whether you need it done or not.
Has he been evaluated for dementia? My dad did this a lot early on and he had behavioral variant frontotemporal dementia diagnosed in his 70s. In his case, there was also a visual component. Nothing wrong with his eyes, but the brain did not correctly interpret so things could be right in front of his face and he could not understand what they were. he would wander through the house, picking up objects he had seen a thousand times, but would take them over and ask my mom “what IS this?” Then put it down somewhere else. Or he would take everything out of the medicine cabinet and dump it on the floor of his closet. Or take books, open them, and put them in doorways where she would trip on them. Who knows why.
The only other suggestions I have are to find ways to distract him. If there are harmless things that he likes to do, set him to those. Sorting coins or nuts and bolts, puzzles, rearranging the junk drawer, folding laundry, straightening fringe in the rug, vacuuming — whatever. No need for him to do it well. Does he like chewing gum? Or simple iPad or phone games?
Are there options such as adult daycare or a senior center or “volunteer work” like at an animal shelter or church similar that would occupy him for a few hours? Or could you hire a companion to “help him around the yard” or take him to the library, park, mall or wherever, while the person is really just minding him so you can get out of the house or at least not be bothered for a couple of hours?
Has he been diagnosed? If he’s confused or has a change in mental status, you might check with his doctor, to rule out infection, medication issue, etc. If he has dementia, behavior like that is common. Repeating things, repetitive behavior, obsessions, etc. are not easy to prevent. Tolerance, distraction, redirection are some methods to try. I found that behaviors usually progress and move to something else. Taking a break from the behavior helps. You might explore an aid to be with him a few hours a day or have him attend a senior day center.
This behavior is new? Are there other behaviors now worrying you? Have you tried any self testing off youtube such as watching the MoCa or SLUMS tests and playing around with them with him? Have you had any discussion with him? Is he bored? Would he like to go to a senior center for activities?
We really can't know him, so can't know where this is coming from, but it sounds as though it seems to you to be compulsive enough that it is worrying. It could be a manifestation of some early failure or it could be depression and a low dose anti depressant could help. But if this is a sort of shadowing of you as you go about your life, it is worrisome. I would keep a diary as something could be starting.
We need more information for context, like does he have a diagnosis of dementia of some kind?
How old is he?
If he has been acting "normal" up til now, then you need to take him to his primary who will may refer him to a neurologist.
"How do I get him to stop?"
This depends upon more info you can provide. If it's dementia or memory impairment, you are the only one who can change, so you will either need to ignore it, where headphones or walk out of the room to somewhere else.
It’s his mind going through changes. Suggestion try emptying one of his drawers at a time and have him fold them and put them back. You could also try children’s building blocks have a couple containers tell him to try building a building then separate the blocks by color, size in different boxes. There are also busy games for folks with dementia and Alzheimer’s. Its a very difficult time, that takes extra patience when I know that runs thin right now. Find a caregiver to give you that well deserved break on a regular basis. Wish both the best god bless.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
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APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
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APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
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If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
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This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
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You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
So don't get the idea that because they're quietly busy, they are safe. You still have to be hypervigilant almost every minute of the day. As I said, the behaviors appear out of nowhere.
What about large piece puzzles?
Seems like he wants to root around, so maybe give him some busy work?
Just indulge him. Sure, it's an interruption. Everything about taking care of someone with dementia is an interruption of your prior life. It's a lot like taking care of a toddler, and can be exhausting! When you are too busy to respond, tell him you can't help him with that right now, but you will be available later to help him. Do you have a lot of knick-knacks around the house for him to pick up and move around? I would pack them up in boxes and store them out of sight.
Reduce the number of things he can move around. Or just let him do whatever he wants with them. Ask him what he would like to do with it, and let him decide. Your house will be in disarray for a while. Just go with it. That's what it's like living with dementia. Everything about your prior life has changed.
If he's just looking for a way to occupy his time, give him some busy work, a simple project, any household chores that he is able to manage, whether you need it done or not.
The only other suggestions I have are to find ways to distract him. If there are harmless things that he likes to do, set him to those. Sorting coins or nuts and bolts, puzzles, rearranging the junk drawer, folding laundry, straightening fringe in the rug, vacuuming — whatever. No need for him to do it well. Does he like chewing gum? Or simple iPad or phone games?
Are there options such as adult daycare or a senior center or “volunteer work” like at an animal shelter or church similar that would occupy him for a few hours? Or could you hire a companion to “help him around the yard” or take him to the library, park, mall or wherever, while the person is really just minding him so you can get out of the house or at least not be bothered for a couple of hours?
good luck!
Are there other behaviors now worrying you?
Have you tried any self testing off youtube such as watching the MoCa or SLUMS tests and playing around with them with him?
Have you had any discussion with him? Is he bored? Would he like to go to a senior center for activities?
We really can't know him, so can't know where this is coming from, but it sounds as though it seems to you to be compulsive enough that it is worrying. It could be a manifestation of some early failure or it could be depression and a low dose anti depressant could help. But if this is a sort of shadowing of you as you go about your life, it is worrisome. I would keep a diary as something could be starting.
How old is he?
If he has been acting "normal" up til now, then you need to take him to his primary who will may refer him to a neurologist.
"How do I get him to stop?"
This depends upon more info you can provide. If it's dementia or memory impairment, you are the only one who can change, so you will either need to ignore it, where headphones or walk out of the room to somewhere else.
You could also try children’s building blocks have a couple containers tell him to try building a building then separate the blocks by color, size in different boxes.
There are also busy games for folks with dementia and Alzheimer’s.
Its a very difficult time, that takes extra patience when I know that runs thin right now.
Find a caregiver to give you that well deserved break on a regular basis.
Wish both the best god bless.
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