How do I get my husband out of a skilled nursing home? He wants to come home.

I m sorry this happened to you & your husband. He is now a stoke survivor & you have effectively been made to live a widow with a husband living. This is a major crises & change for you both. It will take time to adjust.

You want to get him home - please ask yourself why. Is it to do what he asks? Is it for him to have his familiar surrounds? Is it to have your pre-stroke life back?

My Mum wanted to 'go home' over & over from rehab. When she got there, was she happy? No. Then it was 'I can't walk' over & over.

To make a path towards home, the 1st step is to get a real picture of his abilities. 2nd work out how to meet his needs. Can you do it? What services are available to help? Costs?

You will get many opinions here along the 'if you love him, take him home' or the polar opposite 'nursing home - go live your life'.

I would suggest take a little time to get some councelling. You may still be in grief & it may help to have someone get to see 1:1 your situation, to ask the right questions & help you find the way forward.

Best thoughts to you (((hugs))).

Geaton is correct. What we want and what is needed are two different things. The trach is what bothers me. My daughter has worked NHs for 20 years and has told me not all NHs will take trach patients. Very hard to be on top of any infections.

There should be a Social Worker at the NH. You need to find out what is involved in his care. Will you be able to physically care for him yourself or are you going to hire help? Who will take care of the trach. Medicare does not pay for homecare. When they do, its for PT or OT. Once the person hits their plateau, that stops. Is your home safe? Handicapped accessible? The NH has to make a "safe discharge".

Your ages will matter to whether you can care for him or not. You really need to sit down with his SW and a doctor before you can make a decision to bring him home.

The hospital that we use, fortunately, assigns a case worker (or social worker) to talk with families of patients. That is the person who recommends what is needed at home, and/or what home situations will not be adequate.

If you have access to someone like that, they could facilitate more frequent and better communication between all the stakeholders here. I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers.

The question is: should he come home?

How old are you? Is your dear hubby completely bedridden post-stroke? Do you think you can carry out the daily rigors (like lifting, turning, bathing, etc.) of a man who is probably bigger and heavier than you? Is your home on a single level? How do you plan to get a break when you are exhausted?

I'm not trying to purposely harass you with these questions but it is critical that your plan to bring him home is thought through completely. On this forum please go to the topic Burn Out and read some of the posts from people trying to care for LOs at home by themselves. We just don't want you to burn out. Many people thing they won't and yet they do. Who do you have to care for *you*?

Have you tried talking to the patient advocate at the hospital?

Call the Area Agency on Aging, tell your story, they will check on him and do a needs assessment. For now, blame the stay on the doctor. Is the doctor also your doctor? Maybe, just maybe, he is just as concerned about your health and ability to provide the care hubs needs for the long term. His medical issues will progress, making his care more and more difficult.