He is 83 years old, narcissistic and often unkind to me. He was very vulnerable when he first came to live with us nearly 3 years ago. In the previous 6 months he had had a 9hr bypass operation on this left leg, had a cardiac arrest, suffered 2 broken ribs and had pneumonia! It is a miracle he survived! They had taken his licence away too. Over the last 3 years I have helped him recover and to get his licence back. He is still very frail and can hardly walk as he suffers chronic pain in his back. He cannot look after himself very well – doesn’t make food for himself and only sometimes showers when he soils himself, which he does about once a week. He’s a heavy smoker and eats lots of junk food. In the last 6 months or so he has become aggressive particularly in the eveninsg and often tries to criticise me and attack me over things that are simply not true. Over the past 27 years we have known that he is a liar and he constantly rewrites his narrative to be the victim and everyone else is in the wrong.
He is now talking to others about how controlling and nasty I am. Unfortunately, due to a previous experience where his doctor wrongly believed a carer over his patient, his doctor believes we have a “personality clash” as he puts it. His doctor tells us just to go along with Dad and keep the peace. I suspect he has some frontal load damage as he is doing and saying some inappropriate things out in the community resulting in a charge of common assault and he has been banned from a shopping centre and a chemist! He refuses to submit to any authority and we have had the police here 5 times now. He keeps going to the shops he was banned from and refuses to pay any speeding fines causing his licence to be suspended although he has now paid that fine. My husband has financial authority and POA, but while Dad is still driving he is assessed as Low Need. His doctor won’t refer him for assessment because his memory is fine and he can really turn on the charismatic charm. A short period with him has people thinking he’s a lovely gentleman. My husband is very supportive and does take up issues with his Dad. The only thing I can do is walk away when he has a go at me. I refuse to get into an argument with him. As I work part time I spend much more time at home with Dad.