Mom finds something wrong with every single night time caregiver. We have gone through over a dozen in a year. We have somewhat better luck with the daytime caregivers. But come night time, even if a caregiver has been there multiple times, she doesn't remember them and thinks they are going to either steal from her or she cannot understand why they are in her house sleeping. Obviously we have tried to get her to understand that these nighttime caregivers are not there to sleep but she insists on making them a bed on the couch, then proceeds to complaining about why they are there on her couch, don't they have a home of their own, if I like them so much why don't I let them sleep at my house, they don't need to watch my TV all night, they don't need to be wasting my electricity by keeping a light on all night, if the lights are off they can "pilfer" my things,.... the list of complaint goes on and on and on. She tells them they have a "smart mouth" is they try on any level to explain anything to her (such as why we don't have to turn her alarm system off 5 or 6 times, open the doors to make sure all the doors are locked and there are no crooks peeking in her windows or rattling her door!). She asks them point blank if they have homes they can go to and why they don't go there. She asks them if they are going to take her things. She treats them like children and if she "catches them" on their smart phones or ipads, she tells them it's time they went to bed. She sneaks out of her room and spies on them. It's downright crazy. Some of them have refused to come back and the ones who are stalwart and come back, she ramps it up and says they are not to come back to her house or she's calling the police. It's a mess! One of the daytime caregivers used to be a nighttime caregiver and has tried to explain to her that she too used to be there at night. Nothing does any good. As of now, she's gone through 6 caregivers this last month. The agency has been fantastic finding qualified replacements. I have gone over to her house and stayed for hours while she gets used to a new caregiver. That backfires. She thinks because I talk to them and have pleasant conversations that they are either my friends or resents that I am telling them about her and her house. If I try to get her to join in on the conversation, she glares at me and hisses through clinched teeth that I am"just showing off" and I can just "shut up and leave". When I do, she calls me ranting about why I am doing this to her....you all get the picture! We all know she has Alzheimer' s, is paranoid, delusional, OCD and is severely scared and depressed. She insists on staying in her house: "Daddy built this house for me and said don't you dare let anyone take it away from you!" She gets furious if we suggest her moving elsewhere. There was a lovely home for sale right next door to me that she could have easily paid cash for... she had dozens of reasons why she could not do that starting with, "Now why would I want to leave my home and live somewhere else?" I call her daily (sometimes 2 or 3 times), do all her grocery shopping, bills, income tax, and visit her on average 2 times a week PLUS bring her to my house for dinner every Friday night and all day Sunday. Holidays I usually have her with me at my home 3 or 4 days.
Speaking of her home...well it's a god-awful mess that she won't let anyone touch anything or clean. The daytime caregivers try to dust and pick up when she's asleep. If anyone does anything too significant she goes on a tear accusing everyone of taking and moving her stuff. Bottom line: how do I get her to calm down and accept night time caregivers? And no, I cannot let her live with me. She really doesn't want to anyway, but she does enjoy when I have her over for a weekend and wait on her hand and foot. Then she is temporarily content. And no, there is no one else in the family who can do night duty. I tried that myself until it blew up in my face with her accusing