Mother-in-law (I'll call her Lois), Lois, has OCD and extreme anxiety. When the caregivers come in to help her dress, assist with shower, housekeeping, or turn her bed down, she hovers over them and tries to tell them what to do. I know she does this because she treats everyone the same way and I have seen her do this to them when I have visited. She complains that they leave her with her hair wet after showering or they tell her to dress herself. I am convinced that she takes the time away from them to do the things that need to be done, because she hovers over them and tried to tell them what to do, so then they have to leave and help the other residents. I have asked her not to hover over them and to not tell them what to do, but she continues to do this and then complains when they run out of time to help her. I have told her it is her behavior that is causing them to run out of time. What can be done to help her see that she needs to stop hovering and stop being bossy to them?
Have you talked to the caregivers themselves, or the social worker? It sounds like you may need a team meeting to figure out strategies. The caregivers may need help dealing with her behaviors.
We have to remind ourselves that when one gets older, they lose a lot of their independence. Some elders go with the flow, others will dig in their heels in desperation to keep some independence.
I don't think that any amount of reasoning or persuasion from you is going to make any difference.