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Hi,



Long time since I posted. Mom's dementia getting worse...hallucinations, paranoia, delusions are happening everyday now....I am her POA/son, live with and take care of her in "her house"...I have letter from doctor and on her medical records claiming she is now incompetent. She is not receptive to outside help in her home. Thinking towards the future now and I would like to know what powers does a POA grant you to place mother in a nursing home/memory care against her will? I am understanding this is kind of hard to do even with POA because it is "her house". I have dual POA- medical/financial and letter of incompetence. Thanks.

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That means, you find a home for her using her funds. The doctor is ready to sign papers for the place to accept her. Then you find a sneaky way to get her there.This may be the time to apply for Medicaid to get her in long term care. Make an appointment with your local social worker and or an elder law attorney to review your POA to move things along. Otherwise you get stuck with her. Other options is to wait for a hospitalization and say it will be unsafe to discharge her. Another is if she gets violent to call 911 and tell the police that you are requesting the Baker Act
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“She is not receptive…..”. But her current condition already requires modification of her present lifestyle to provide for her SAFETY.

That means that she has relinquished her right to determine what she is entitled to be or not be “receptive” to.

One of the most painful phases of caring for my most recent disabled LO was that gray-area period of time when she knew she desperately needed help, but wouldn’t accept it.

When she finally realized that she herself was too frightened to live in the house where she’d been born 89 years before, I was able to cajole her into spending a “trial” week in a very beautiful AL about 2 miles from my home.
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Geaton gave you great advice. Just stopped by to wish you well.
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If mom has been declared incompetent by her Dr., you have an ace in the hole (bad metaphor, but I can't think of a better phrase!)

Many of us have LO"s who have NOT been deemed incompetent, but who should NOT be living alone, won't go into care and demand that family 'do' everything for them.

If you POA and the letter, start scoping out AL's for mom. Take your time.

You could spend an hour with an eldercare attorney who could guide you in the process so you don't do anything 'wrong'.

It's good to plan, b/c if you don't, the sneaky thing called 'time' suddenly catches up with you and you're not prepared to make the moves necessary. People often wind up having to place a LO in a facility that isn't a good match for their person.

Are you on the deed to the house or are you just living there? That is going to be your biggest bugaboo in this. You may have to sell the house--IDK, every state is different in their rules about that.

Better to plan when your head is calm and it's not an immediate need.

I'm sorry mom isn't receptive to outside help. My MIL is the same way and it has been a huge nightmare--she fires everybody who comes in the door.

My DH is my MIL's POA and while he has the 'power' to place her, he will never, and I mean NEVER do that. He'd move in with her before he'd put her in a home.

I wish you luck.
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