I believe grief drove my mother into depression that exacerbated the onset of dementia. She has lost over 70lbs, will only eat yogurt, lays on the couch all day, no self care, refused to leave the house, has become aggressive with me, her memory is exponentially worse, she believes people are out to get her, she says horrible things about herself, It can take hours to get her to pay just a fraction of her bills, she is not the person I know, I have tried calling agencies and am getting nowhere. If she were a child I could take her to the doctors against her will. As an adult it would be considered abuse because it would be against her will kicking and screaming. She feels I am "in on it and "know what going on around here". She is 76 and worked up until this all started, the death of her close sister and of my brother. in less than 1 year she has become this person who needs help to care for herself. I have been with her for 6 months and have not made any progress and gained no resources for assistance. I have asked her for power of attorney to assist her in bill payment and food shopping. She forgets passwords ever when she saves them in her password keeper. She is suspicious of everyone. It's a very long story best told by mouth than on paper but ultimately I don't know what to do. I want her to live with me. I am from out of state and have left my family. I can't stay here forever. I need her to live with me or things set up so she can live at home with aids and etc but I can't get anything in place with none of her information, no legal control, hipaa laws. Had anyone been in my shoes? What did you do? What do I do?
This does sound like a mental health issue. People have the right to neglect themselves.
Your being there as her "propper-upper" may actually be preventing her from getting help.
I don't mean to seem rude but please note: what does *she* say *she* wants to do? I.e. I'm not asking whether her plans hold water or make sense or satisfy your view of what she needs. It's important to investigate this, because as long as you're there scurrying around for her she can respond by being passive and not thinking about it, or even - as you've found - voicing resistance to your prompts and suggestions.
When are you planning to go home, by the way?
You came here for advice, and you've received lots of great tips. One thing is clear - she needs more help than you can give her at your home or hers. This isn't an unusual story, unfortunately. Many people have been through this exact same situation. Those that come back here later are often exhausted, have an illness brought on by caregiving, are financially depleted, and so on.
Don't let that be you! Get her into a facility and go home to your family. ASAP.