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I agree. I can't imagine wanting family members to stay in the home and take care of my hygiene needs, prepare my meals, change my clothes, do my laundry, give up their lives, etc....I want my family to love spending time with me and not be my caretaker. I just don't get it. I suppose it depends on the level of care that is involved. If I'm mobile and able to handle my daily activities, then, I might accept having them transport me to doctor visits or manage my finances if I'm not up for that. But, when it's a lot of care that's needed, I'd prefer professional people.
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Gina, this is always a tough situation, as maybe the family member really can't do all the work that is involved and it would be difficult for her to say no to you. Then resentment will start to creep in.

Your best bet is to have a chat with this family member but do not mention that you would like her to be your caregiver. You could tell her that you will need to hire a caregiver but they are more expensive then you thought.... then you wait to see if she volunteers to help you or would caregive for a fee.

Having a family caregiver to help you will eventually get old unless you both had a long standing friendship and really enjoy each other's company. If you are close in age, you need to remind yourself that family member would be going through her own age decline. Thus, what you can't do for yourself, maybe she also has issues with that.

Personally, if it were me, and my budget could afford it, I would hire a professional caregiver from a licensed Agency. They are bonded and have workman's comp in case they are hurt on the job [it's easy to hurt ones self doing caregiving, especially if lifting a person is involved]. You don't need to have the first person who comes through the door, you need to find a good match.
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Another question is why do you want to get a family member to take care of you? Why not hire a person who has chosen to do care as a vocation? Or seriously consider living in an assisted living facility.

If you can't afford the care you need, apply for Medicaid.

If your care needs are minimal at this time and you have several local family members, maybe asking each to do one task would be more acceptable to all concerned. If you have a grandson who loves to cook, ask him to provide some meals for you (with you paying for the ingredients). Also consider meals on wheels. If you can no longer do your own housework, it is usually easy to find someone to hire for housecleaning and laundry. Possibly a family member would be willing to do this. If you need help with medications, such as putting pills in a calendar box for you to take on your own, a family member might be willing to do that for you. But if you need help actually taking the pills on time, or taking insulin shots, or other things that must be done throughout the day, being in an assisted living apartment might be more suitable.

What care do you need? Why do you want family to provide it? How does family feel about this?
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You offer them a compensation package that will make it worth their while.
You need to make arrangements that are affordable to you and that the caregiver can live off of.

If you are trying to get a family member to take care of you at a bargain rate, you will be doing that person a great disservice.

If your family member is currently unemployed or needs a place to live, you may find them very happy to come take care of you. But, if someone is gainfully employed, with full benefits and paying into the Soc Sec system, they will likely not be so willing to leave that for you.
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Gina, what care do you need, and why would you expect your family member to be willing to provide it? I don't mean these questions to be challenging, just hoping to understand what's going on.
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Dear Gina,

I don't think there are any easy answers. I took care of my dad all my life till his passing in the hospital. I have this fear too since I do not have kids of my own. I think to myself will there be any family to take care of me.

Try to have an honest conversation with the person you would to take care of you. There is a lot involved and depending on the level care needed you might be better off looking at assisted living or a nursing home. Or hiring a personal caregiver to live with you.

And your family member might also have some financial concerns as well. This part is very tricky and I worry it might lead to elder abuse. My father always trusted me with his money. I never gambled or stole his money or denied him anything he wanted. But you always hear of stories where people have been robbed!

Please take care and remember to explore all your options.
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