I have read in so many posts 'get a clinical assessment done' but how do I get Dad to do that when he refuses/says there is no problem?

Follow
Share

Dad feels he is just as normal as he has always been... I see daily the decline and try to convey that to my siblings. He is 83 today and has lived w/me for 10 years. When he first came to my home, he was still active and did a lot of projects, but due to a lobectomy can no longer keep busy. I witness his changes and know he is not 'his normal' with memory, with daily functions, his constant contradictions... you know the list. He has always been cantankerous, so that has just gotten worse. Sometimes he tells me that he appreciates me. I work full time and spend a lot of time with him, I know he is lonely all day and just wants the company, so we sit on the deck and chat for a couple hours daily. I absolutely refuse to have any regrets when he dies and will do what I can for him now, knowing full well that he will need to go to AL eventually, as I cannot give up working. (then neither one of us would have a home) I do have outside friends that understand and stay in touch weekly (which he's resentful of my being on the phone so long, but I will not isolate them, they are my life line) so I'm not a hermit. I believe he has some form of dementia and my nephew (the only 'once a week' visitor) also sees a change.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
7

Answers

Show:
Right you are!!! It's really important: Just because you have dementia, doesn't mean you are legally incompetent. Sooo important to remember.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Oh yes. I would make sure his legal affairs are in order, POA, Living Will, etc. signed. Just because you have dementia, doesn't mean you are legally incompetent.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

If your dad has a Revocable Trust or Living Will most likely he is one of the Trustee's, and not able to serve legally as such.. I had your problem thrust upon me when my mothers own attorney's (all five) demanded that i take her into first see them as they had me wait in the lobby, and then they instructed me to do MY FIDUCIARY responsibility and get her to two doctors. I knew where they were headed and refused to act on there request later to be told i was a FRAUD because i knew she had dementia and any legal document she had signed or would be asked to sign would be illegal! I quickly realized that they were looking out for there law firms reputation and possible bad press with not being prepared to manage her estate. I told mom her attorneys wanted to see her to make sure i was taking care of her to her satisfaction. Then THEY made the recommendation to her in there firms conference room that she have an evaluation as to protect her estate. It worked, although she was quietly retired (she still doesn't know) there are two letters in her file that state she is substantially incapable of handling her affairs. I have current effective documents to do whatever i need to do when the time comes. It all took about a year from first meeting to completion. It really took the stress off of me, I didn't realize at the time i was living it how stressful not addressing the issue was on me. Good Luck
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I'm not sure when the best time to get an assessment is, but I knew that my LO was really suffering when I took her in for one. In my state, you have to have the Doctor evaluate and fill out a form that is required to get into AL. I think it's required for all residents. In her case it was not even close, but for those who he might be close, I think I would do some research.

Would your dad be able to answer questions about what season it is? Where he grew up? What building he is in or how he got there? Can he correctly report his medical history? These are the kinds of things the doctor asked my LO. She also asked her to draw some things on paper.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Personally? Someone 84 years old? I wouldn't bother with a clinical assessment. Most ESPECIALLY if that person were living with me. I don't need no clinical assessment to know mom's losing it. Ha!

Unless his medications are causing his behavior, then it's just the ticking clock of old age, in my opinion. I've checked out all of mom's meds and taken her off those that aren't life-sustaining. (She has congestive heart failure.) What more can we do? There are no magic potions to roll back the clock.

Identify a problem and solve it. Identify a problem and solve it. That's what's worked for me in the year mom's been with me as she's declined slowly into dementia.

It sounds to me like you're doing a great job of balancing your life and your needs against those of your dad. I don't know what more a loving daughter could be expected to do. Watching a loved one decline in old age is painful. We always think there's something more WE should be doing.

That's often not the case at all.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Gypsy; go see your doctor about the panic attacks. they are not going to get any better and you need to take care of YOU first. Call DAD'S doctor and let him/her know what you are observing, generally good to do this in a letter that you fax over. Make an appointment for your dad; tell him it's the insurance company, or Obamacare or whatever. Let the doctor examine and talk to your dad. Don't answer any of the questions FOR your dad. Those are the first steps I would take. For my mom, getting her seen by a geriatric psychiatrist was the best thing ever. Good luck.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

He contradicts himself at every turn, I have finally learned to just nod my head to acknowledge that I am listening (not agreeing) and go about doing things the same way that has worked for me for the last 40 years being on my own!!! Sister has a family of her own, brother lives in a different state. I vent to them, it helps. I go outside and yell at Dad (he is in the house out of ear shot) that helps so I don't get sucked into argueing with him and treating him in a manner that I really don't want to... it's not an easy thing, I know, but in the end I will have what I wanted to accomplish. NO regrets. Recently my anxiety/panic level rises everyday when I get close to home from work, not sure what to do about that though. I work four 10 hour days and love my job, that helps a LOT!!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions