My husband can't be alone after recent strokes. How do I get care for him so I can return to work?

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I am on a leave under FMLA while I determine how to care for my husband. Everyone is quick to mention a nursing home for him. But how do we pay for that? We do not have long term care insurance. He is 64. I am 54 and I work a FT job. We also have a 12 year old daughter. The doctor filled out the FMLA paperwork stating I could return to work once I have home care in place for him. But how do I afford to pay for home care and go to work? It seems my check would just go to pay for a caregiver for him. I am debating leaving my job to care for him. We have talked to Council on Aging and we are talking to the VA home health care person next week.

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I don't have an answer but rather an additional question. We both need to get back to work full time on regular schedules as we only have 10 more years before we ourselves retire. Currently, we have used up our savings, retirement and switched around our schedules to accommodate caring for my parent full time. Cant afford putting her in home as minimum cost is $4500 a month here in CA. We're stuck and I'm getting resentment feeling like I've got a first class ticket to hell for this. Any suggestions. No family to help.My kids help as much as they can and no siblings in picture.
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Cathy, the way things stand now you probably need your job, not only for the money, but also the insurance benefits. Your husband is going to need to bend to make things work. I have a friend who is in a similar circumstance. He had a massive stroke which took away the use of half of his body. He was in rehab and had home care until he was able to safely move around. After he could walk, his wife started taking him to the senior center every day. There are always people there and games to be played. Plus there is a low-cost lunch provided by the County (Meals on Wheels program).

I do not know how incapacitated your husband is, but he needs to work with you. It would be ideal if there was a day care or home care program you could afford that would work with him to regain function as much as possible. Life changes a lot after a stroke. My friend, who is still seriously incapacitated by his stroke, would rather life had gone on as normal. But he has learned to adapt to his new normal so his wife can go to work. He keeps busy doing what he can do and seems fairly content most of the time. He is a good example of what to do when life gives you lemons. He's full of laughter and loved by all his friends. I hope it can be like this for your husband.
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Cathy, you HAVE to go back to work. You need the medical insurance, income and future pension benefits. Here are some things to consider --- are there family members or friends in the area that may help?? How about Catholic Charities ... you need NOT be Catholic. Ditto for Jewish family services. If one of you has military experience, definitely pursue the Vets. And hard as this may be, while he might not want to go to Day care or have someone come in, the reality is there may not be a choice. As hard as this may be, he may not even get a vote. AND he may truly think day care is fantastic once he tries it. Much better than sitting alone or with a paid caregiver all day! You may need to position it as a 'temporary' solution while you meet with lawyers and agencies to make your 'final ' choices. A friend of mine went through this when her husband was mid 50s. A number of neighbors and friends took on the day time care while she finished working to a point that secured her benefits. If you have a house of worship ask if they have any ideas, sometimes they are tuned in to such services.
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Thank you. He had to stop working around Sept 2010. He receives a retirement disability monthly check. He also has been receiving Social Security since he turned 62 ( not Soc Sec disability). I will be at my job 20 years in Nov this year. I would hate to give it up and lose all of that. He does not want to go to adult day care so that I can return to work. He does not want anyone coming to the house to care for him. He isn't making it any easier by not being open to options, but I realize he is different now after the strokes. We are checking into more options and benefits. When you have never had this need, you don't know where to start looking. Yes, our daughter has had to grow up fast. She is 12 and very mature for her age. I told her that she will not be expected to be his caregiver while she is off school this summer. I still want her to have a summer and be a kid.
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I am also taking care of my hubby since 2010 he is now just 66 im exhausted I still have no help but now he needs 24/7 care. I am now looking into finding someone to help me. the nursing homes are so expensive and they will take everything too. First step is going to a elder lawyer but find a good one ,im still learning and trying to cope its bn very difficult.
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You are on the correct path, although I know it is scarey. Just keep asking for help, and calling around. I also had almost no notice to get help for my dad when mom got ill.. But I was lucky I have a flexible schedule and folks had money to help. Does your insurance at work provide any care, or his. Can he get disability that may help? You may not need 24 hr help if he is able to sleep and you can get some too. The young daughter does add anther issue. at least my daughter was out of the house (barely). Good luck, I will be praying for you all.
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