She is 83 and lives alone. She has stopped cleaning the house, and buying groceries, and looses everything. She insists she is fine and nothing is wrong with the house.
It was suggested to get her to a doctor by using insurance requires it - do that. Use the doctor as the requirement. This will help her get in the car. Once you are at the doctor explain to him your concerns and he will take it from there. Blessings to you
Could be a UTI some sort of infection...onslaught of some kind of dementia. You need to step in as they are unable to see things clearly.
1. Make appointment with mother's primary care physician. If you can't get her in the car, use Telehealth, Facetime, etc.
2. Go on the portal immediately--sign up and keep abreast of all test results.
3. A panel of bloodwork must be done.
4. Find a Geriatric Neuro Psy doc--I said this before on this forum and I will say it again, check out ALL your mother's doctor's on your State Medical Board website.
5. Any type of weight loss is an indicator that their nutrition is lacking or they are forgetting to eat as that is what happens when the brain declines--dementia.
6. More than likely, mother is hydrated.
7. Keep Gatorade (sugarless), Pedialyte and small bottles of water in at all times.
Sounds like this is just the beginning. This website was a lifesaver for me. After 2-3 years, I actually thought I finally knew enough to contribute on this site. It's one thing to read about caregiving, it's another thing to actual be one.
Do not continue to give her things like cell phones, keys, debit cards. Clearly, cognitively she cannot manage her life. She needs a caregiver, if not 24/7, every day for several hours. I agree with an/other/s, contact APS immediately. Tell her MD that this is an emergency situation and she needs the neurological exam expedited.
She will continue to insist 'nothing is wrong' with the house or perhaps herself. This is a given so expect this response and be prepared to take control and do what you have to do. Do NOT argue with her. Acknowledge what she says so she'll feel listened to and respected, then do what is needed.
There comes a time when we / the family or legal representative (POA for instance, soc sec rep payee) does what is needed - and realizes that 'listening to' and following directions of what the person wants will likely be or will be detrimental to their well-being. If you delay, then more issues and challenges arise and there is a more immediate need for intervention, perhaps having her move. Do everything now to ensure she is not alone.
Do take away all her cards, keys, etc. I read that you can get a phone and program it yourself. Get a house phone. Forget the cell phones (or now I believe you can get a GPS on a cell phone to 'find it.' Although ... anyone can find it and you likely can't put a security code on it as she won't remember how to use it.
She cannot manage these things. It is more than a waste of money. Her safety is a major concern.
My father had a stroke followed by what I suspected was the sliding decline of ALZ. I needed two letters of DX from two different doctors to activate my FPOA and my dad would not go to one doctor let alone two, so what I did was tell him that his health insurance was requiring a physical in order to let him stay on his plan because of his age. While he wasn’t happy about it he agreed to go. Then I made an appt with the neurologist and took him. That neurologist gave him the tests and told him he suspected he had ALZ and because of this he had to report him the DMV. My father was livid. So I got him to go to the second doctor by saying after we left that I was livid right along side him and that doctor didn’t know what he was talking about so “let’s find another doctor”. He liked that idea because he thought I was on his side. Two days later we saw the second doctor who gave him the same DX. It was a miserable and very stressful week but I got the two letters I needed and my father was finally seen by a neurologist.
Good for you!! Great way to get dad to the doctor! I used the same idea - your prescriptions are running out and before they can be refilled we need to see doctor. Yes you are on dads side - the side that makes him safe! Congratulations on such a great idea!
Dementia is very common with folks who have had a stroke, so your mother may very well have some. Her neurologist should be able to help with diagnosing her when she goes in November. Just make sure that you go into the patient portal before her appointment so you can let the doctor know exactly what is going on with her. And if she's not on a patient portal you can hand a note to the nurse to give to the doctor before she's seen. That way you're talking about her in front of the doctor. You can contact your local Senior Services or Area Agency on Aging to see if they might have any suggestions or resources for you.
I have been trying for six months to get on her accounts to no avail. Her primary care doctor gave her a Medicare evaluation and she was able to answer all the questions. This has been going on for months. She is only getting worse. We do have a neurologist appointment in November, been waiting for about 7 mos. She is just not herself at all. I've cleaned her house about four times in the last 8 mos. She loses her cell phone and goes to buy another one, she now has three lines. She loses her keys and debt cards. But she insists she is fine. She doesn't communicate with her family anymore. I don't know how to get help or where to start.
Juse stick with it. Make sure she does not cancel. Try not to tell her until the very end that she has an appointment. Once diagnosed. Her doctor will sign documents to admit to memory care. Also start shopping around for a place without her. If she is diagnosed, she may fight you unnecessarily. You will have to be her spokesperson,
Time for placement I think. Are you POA? Time for a full assessment as to competency. All else failing do call APS for an assessment, reporting as a senior at risk. Don't enable this behavior. Keep reporting as senior at risk or senior in need. At some point you are going to have to consider the ER dump or EMS called with some lies about anything to get her transported and admitted so that the SOcial Workers can be called to say that she is unsafe.
Push will come to shove in all this and it will play out eventually that Mom ends up having fallen, or any other excuse to get her transported but it may at that point be too late.
If there's no APS then home may be reported as unclean, unhealthy, unsafe living condition. Just be certain that they don't put it on YOU to take care of; tell them you aren't allowed and cannot --make it up as you go, bad back, whatever you can think of but taking this on will be a nightmare I would think.
Tell her she has a yearly check-up to renew her prescriptions. That is how I got my daddy to the doctor and actually to any doctor - just tell them that to refill any prescription they need to see the doctor first. Then you can tell the doctor your concerns.
I would take her to the Urgent Care to get her tested for a UTI. Elderly women get UTIs very often and it's not always about hygiene, but about changes in body pH and physiology. Often, UTIs in elderly women have no other physical symptoms (that they can express) than confusion, fatigue, delirium -- everything that appears like dementia. Dementia is definitively diagnosed by discounting all the other possible health reasons for the change in behavior. Problems with thyroid, dehydration, vitamin deficiency, high blood pressure, diabetes, stroke, tumor can all produce dementia-like symptoms. Some of these issues are more treatable than others.
She could have had another stroke... Also, if she is on any meds (prescription or OTC) she may be over- or under-medicating herself so make sure to see if she's on any sleeping meds or other. In the short term she should not be allowed to give herself the meds.
If you have to tell your Mom and "therapeutic fib" to get her to urgent care, then this is perfectly moral and ethical. Something like, "Social Security says you have to have a check-up in order to continue to receiving benefits". Whatever you think she'll buy.
Then she can have a dementia test.
Are you her PoA? Is anyone? If not, this should really be put in place if she is cognitively able (and an attorney determines this, not you).
Could be a UTI some sort of infection...onslaught of some kind of dementia. You need to step in as they are unable to see things clearly.
1. Make appointment with mother's primary care physician. If you can't get her in the car, use Telehealth, Facetime, etc.
2. Go on the portal immediately--sign up and keep abreast of all test results.
3. A panel of bloodwork must be done.
4. Find a Geriatric Neuro Psy doc--I said this before on this forum and I will say it again, check out ALL your mother's doctor's on your State Medical Board website.
5. Any type of weight loss is an indicator that their nutrition is lacking or they are forgetting to eat as that is what happens when the brain declines--dementia.
6. More than likely, mother is hydrated.
7. Keep Gatorade (sugarless), Pedialyte and small bottles of water in at all times.
Sounds like this is just the beginning. This website was a lifesaver for me. After 2-3 years, I actually thought I finally knew enough to contribute on this site. It's one thing to read about caregiving, it's another thing to actual be one.
I hope I was of some help to you.
Clearly, cognitively she cannot manage her life.
She needs a caregiver, if not 24/7, every day for several hours.
I agree with an/other/s, contact APS immediately.
Tell her MD that this is an emergency situation and she needs the neurological exam expedited.
She will continue to insist 'nothing is wrong' with the house or perhaps herself. This is a given so expect this response and be prepared to take control and do what you have to do. Do NOT argue with her. Acknowledge what she says so she'll feel listened to and respected, then do what is needed.
There comes a time when we / the family or legal representative (POA for instance, soc sec rep payee) does what is needed - and realizes that 'listening to' and following directions of what the person wants will likely be or will be detrimental to their well-being. If you delay, then more issues and challenges arise and there is a more immediate need for intervention, perhaps having her move. Do everything now to ensure she is not alone.
Do take away all her cards, keys, etc. I read that you can get a phone and program it yourself. Get a house phone. Forget the cell phones (or now I believe you can get a GPS on a cell phone to 'find it.' Although ... anyone can find it and you likely can't put a security code on it as she won't remember how to use it.
She cannot manage these things. It is more than a waste of money.
Her safety is a major concern.
Gena / Touch Matters
Yes you are on dads side - the side that makes him safe! Congratulations on such a great idea!
You can contact your local Senior Services or Area Agency on Aging to see if they might have any suggestions or resources for you.
Are you POA?
Time for a full assessment as to competency.
All else failing do call APS for an assessment, reporting as a senior at risk. Don't enable this behavior. Keep reporting as senior at risk or senior in need.
At some point you are going to have to consider the ER dump or EMS called with some lies about anything to get her transported and admitted so that the SOcial Workers can be called to say that she is unsafe.
Push will come to shove in all this and it will play out eventually that Mom ends up having fallen, or any other excuse to get her transported but it may at that point be too late.
If there's no APS then home may be reported as unclean, unhealthy, unsafe living condition. Just be certain that they don't put it on YOU to take care of; tell them you aren't allowed and cannot --make it up as you go, bad back, whatever you can think of but taking this on will be a nightmare I would think.
Who is there to support all this other than you?
She could have had another stroke... Also, if she is on any meds (prescription or OTC) she may be over- or under-medicating herself so make sure to see if she's on any sleeping meds or other. In the short term she should not be allowed to give herself the meds.
If you have to tell your Mom and "therapeutic fib" to get her to urgent care, then this is perfectly moral and ethical. Something like, "Social Security says you have to have a check-up in order to continue to receiving benefits". Whatever you think she'll buy.
Then she can have a dementia test.
Are you her PoA? Is anyone? If not, this should really be put in place if she is cognitively able (and an attorney determines this, not you).