How do I find peace in all of this?

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My dad is dying and it could be soon he is in hospice. Last October when we found out he had stage 4 kidney cancer we immediately went to Florida and begged him to come home with me where I could take care of him he said no I live in Oklahoma I don't have the money to go back to Florida now that the end is near if I had the funds believe me I would be there I have made my self sick over this I don't know how to reconcile this I call him everyday and let him know we love him and today the charge nurse called and said perhaps I could call the VA so somebody can be with him so he feels supported and not alone I can't even begin to say how it devestated me to hear her say that I wanted to scream I tried to get him to come home with me Don't you think I want to be there!! I guess I needed to tell someone who might know what Iam going thru Thanks for letting me vent

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Thanks for the update and Sorry for your loss. You can rest assured he's at peace now, and you need to be too. You reached out and did all you could and that's all you can do. His knowing you were coming just might have been what he needed to "let go" and start his soul's next journey, whatever that may be. Sadly, none of us get out of here alive..some slip away easier then others after a long life lived well. That's all any one of us can wish for.
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Is there any Air Force bases near you and your dad? Is there anyway the base would let you hop a space available flight to see him? Contact the public affairs office of the base - perhaps because he is in a VA facility they may be able to stretch the rules. I can't guarantee it, still it's worth a try. Good luck!
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So sorry, I didn't read through all the posts. I am so sorry for your loss.
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I'm so sorry you are going through this. There is no easy answer. I had to actually kidnap my mom, so to speak, to get her to move to AZ from IL with me. She doesn't remember the trip and I am thankful for that. I hired to caregivers to help me drive her from IL to AZ. 23 hour drive straight. We had to sedate her a couple of times when she realized she was not going back the nursing home I had to put her in because of no other choices.

There is no peace really. Seeing your loved ones deteriorate and when they are stubborn, like mom and your family member is very difficult.
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Thank you. My thoughts really were with you today. I imagine knowing you were on the way brought him comfort, and I hope it brings you similar comfort and peace to know you had done all you reasonably could, including asking a bunch of strangers. Caring strangers. But just the same. You're clearly resourceful and loving to your dad and to all of us. Take care. Hugs.
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I wasn't sure how to update but I wanted to Thank Everyone for their advice and kind words. My Dad passed away Sunday nite it was a shock to me and the nurses I was able to talk to him Sunday during the day and told him I was coming you see I was able to get a hardship flight that was on Monday morning Iam going to be ok because I knew he knew I was coming to be with him but the LORD took him on home so now we plan the funeral.Iam just so glad I was able to tell him how much I loved him and I was going to be there.
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No one can predict when death will come. Hospice told me it usually takes 2 weeks. I made my plans to visit my dying Dad in about a week. My Dad died 3 days after entering hospice when I was on a plane for work, to somewhere else. In retrospect, I told myself I HAD to work, but now I realize I didn't want to face his death. I regret not having the courage to face my Dad's reality. Hospice called me and said he was scared and lonely. Made me feel even worse. My brother and mother were there with him, and they were horrified by seeing him gasping for air like a fish out of water. They ran out of his room and cried in the parking lot, got the call later that night that he had passed away. Mom said she didn't believe he knew they were there with him.
Not everyone goes peacefully, and not everyone makes peace with the death of their loved one. For me, I regret not being there. It's been 13 years and I still regret it, a lot. He was cremated before I could see his body, that might be part of why I don't feel closure. I had seen him critically ill, then he was gone.
One of my brothers that wasn't able to make it to Florida before Dad passed said he was sorry he couldn't make it, but that he would remember Dad as he was in his life. My other brother seemed unaltered by the experience.
You might do everything in your power to get there, and you may be horrified, or you may be eternally grateful that you were there. If not that you were there for him, but for yourself.
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I´m sorry to hear about your ordeal, try out the helpful suggestions if you can! We can´t be everywhere at once and can only do our best! I brought my demented father to live with us in Portugal, when he really wanted to go to Montreal where he had lived most of his life...there he would have had to be institutionalized, and would have been alone, but that´s where his former lover lives. We (his kids) figured he´d be better off with his family, but he had a bad stroke (the second one) the day after our arrival to Portugal; he´s now bedridden & we will be sending him to rehab to try and get the physical part working again...his mind is shot. He is also extremely mean to me. Even though I feel sorry to see him like this, I don´t feel guilt...we are trying to keep him as confy as possible, but can´t work miracles...
All the best. Hope
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Perhaps you could take refuge in an old favorite: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
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To lostgagurl, sorry for what you're going through. Feel at peace it's not his fault for not wanting to move, nor your fault for living in OK. Do what you can and be creative to get there if you can. An airline may really help if you ask. Also, Spirit and Frontier can be ridiculously cheap, especially last minute. Gas is at a low. Maybe drive to an airport you usually wouldn't think of. My bro drove from KS to FL many times. If you just can't make it though, maybe a volunteer on his end can set up a phone call or video for you? Some SFAs and VAs have volunteer visitors. Try a church in his area, sven uf he disnt go to it. Meals on Wheels or Catholic Charities are also often connected with volunteers looking to help out. Care dot com is another option. Look in his area and you can maybe/probably find someone just to sit with him/help make a phone call to you for a minimal cost vs. getting there. Thoughts are with you and your dad and family.
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