She's been living with my sister and I every other month for the past 13 yrs. Although, she just started paying $500 a month the past 3 yrs. We do everything for her. Meds, food, bathing, doctor visits, laundry, etc. She can't be left alone, so it's 24 hour care. We feel she should be paying more. It was difficult to just get her to agree on the $500. How should we approach this? We have 2 other siblings that aren't able to care for her.
SMDH at you silly martyrs! Here’s a few reminders—your parents chose to have you. Your kids didn’t ask to be born. Many parents actually didn’t take care of their kids, didn’t provide a safe loving home but they sure as hell expect their children to wait on them hand & foot while treating them like dirt. AND......many child caregivers here have had to quit their jobs entirely or retire early in order to care for Selfish parents who refuse outside help and want to stay at home where they can pretend they are still independent. Why don’t those kids deserve to earn a living? Especially when they stopped contributing to SS and a retirement plan the moment they quit their job. Why doesn’t their livelihood matter?
There are plenty of other parents that now live with one of their adult kids. Why shouldn’t they pay their way? Contribute to the household? What entitles them to a free ride? Especially when said adult child is also caregiver, maid, therapist and punching bag?
I hope the fall off your high horse wasn’t too brutal!
Add up the charges you feel are reasonable for the care you're giving to your mother and/or how much it would cost her to be in Assisted Living. Then take into account how you can't work due to the need to care for her 24/7, and what bills you have to pay (like the rest of us poor slobs living on planet earth), and decide what's fair & equitable. Then explain to your mother how you arrived at the monthly charges she owes you.
If she's disagreeable to paying you the required amount, start looking into Assisted Living Facilities in your area & see how she feels about shelling out $4-6 THOUSAND dollars per month to be cared for outside of your home.
In the real world, life's not free, for anyone. Mother should have planned for her old age, and that includes how she was going to finance it.
Good luck!
Sadly, people of her generation never learned how to adjust for inflation. You need a legal contract and to be paid at least minimum wage.
I do have a child I was planning to pawn off of, when I get to that age. but, perhaps, I better rethink that idea. Hopefully I won't get dementia or ALZ. I think I will try to write a will or living trust now before I lose all my marbles.
Does mom have signs of dementia or ALZ? Your other siblings are unable to care for her for some reason, physically, emotionally, or they live too far away. It is very hard to take care of mom, a lot of us on this forum are or were in that boat. If it is becoming too much, and you cannot do it anymore, please do not feel guilty about placing her in a facility close to you. She needs to be placed near you or your sister so you two can keep tabs on her and have pleasant visits.
For the time being.. ask the doctor if she can be evaluated for palliative care. This way the doctor or nurses can visit mom at her home, instead of you driving her to the doctors all the time. Think about it.
13 years, you, sister, and mom are very close. I can see how and why your moving mom into a facility at this time of her life would be worrisome.