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She's been living with my sister and I every other month for the past 13 yrs. Although, she just started paying $500 a month the past 3 yrs. We do everything for her. Meds, food, bathing, doctor visits, laundry, etc. She can't be left alone, so it's 24 hour care. We feel she should be paying more. It was difficult to just get her to agree on the $500. How should we approach this? We have 2 other siblings that aren't able to care for her.

Good luck with this, because at age 90 she is seeing 500 as a fortune! It may be because she grew up when people made 200 a month if they were lucky! I remember many years ago a friend was visiting us, and mentioned her mortgage payment amount in from of my MIL. MIL said "no one pays that much for a mortgage".. yep we sure do! We just laughed it off.. the ILs paid 3000 for a vacation home in the 50s,, that is where her mind was "stuck". How much does she bring in these days from SS/retirement/investments.. etc? I would be gentle,, she is living in the past probably.
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MyCrossToBear Jun 12, 2020
So true!!!
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I was in this boat. and I’m sick of parents thinking you owe them. They raise you and you repay by raising your kids. Care & visits to them are automatic, but full time care should not be uncompensated.And stop laying it all on daughters & expecting nothing of sons!!
Lay out what you’re willing to do and for how much: let them know their realistic options. Your life comes first.
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Kashi60 Jun 15, 2020
Amen!
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Be careful with this! Legally she can only gift you $600 a month. You need to take her to her attorney and have a contract drawn up and have all the siblings agree and sign the contract. I am in the same boat and feel that since my mother took care of us when we were children it is time for us to take care of her.
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gladimhere Jun 15, 2020
I have never heard that gifting of $600.00 is allowed anywhere. Any gifting would cause Medicaid issues.

If being paid any amount there needs to be a contract in place with all withholdings properly documented. Then all income if over the IRS yearly amount reported as income.

Does mom have an attorney she has worked with? Is she competent? Do you have POA's in place? Make an appointment with an elder law attorney; have that person tell her about the cost of care.
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Elder Law Attorney is needed right away. Everything should be drawn up legally for your state. That way if she ever needs Medicaid, it will be the correct amount on look back, not just money given as gift, which would cause problems.
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Holy cow. After reading so many 'martyr' comments here, I'm truly appalled at the 'advice' you are being given! Imagine coming to a forum such as this and expecting some GOOD answers instead of guilt trips, gospel quotes, and tongue clicking?

Add up the charges you feel are reasonable for the care you're giving to your mother and/or how much it would cost her to be in Assisted Living. Then take into account how you can't work due to the need to care for her 24/7, and what bills you have to pay (like the rest of us poor slobs living on planet earth), and decide what's fair & equitable. Then explain to your mother how you arrived at the monthly charges she owes you.

If she's disagreeable to paying you the required amount, start looking into Assisted Living Facilities in your area & see how she feels about shelling out $4-6 THOUSAND dollars per month to be cared for outside of your home.

In the real world, life's not free, for anyone. Mother should have planned for her old age, and that includes how she was going to finance it.

Good luck!
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I would highly suggest you hire a sitter to help care for your mom. I have used Concierage Home Health. She will only become more needy. Let mom pay for her own meds and other needs including sitters. My sister takes care of mom's bills and banking. My mom and aunt live in their own homes but both have sitters. Family is in and out everyday. I just registered my mom with Visiting Physicians of Jacksonville and I am so relieved. All services including visits, lab draws, basic xray, ultrasound and ekgs are done where she lives! Home delivery for meds. My mom and aunt do not pay me for my time, gas or anything else. We have to tend our elderly without giving up our entire lives.
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Bshandy Jun 15, 2020
Wow, I wish we had that in Virginia!
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Maybe this eill work...Call her bluff. Take her with you as you go assisted living shopping and show her the rents. Tell her she has to go to one of these places by her next move. Next ask her if she is willing to pay both of you x number of dollars
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I care for my mom and pay for everything for her. She is my mom!
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PeeWee57 Jun 15, 2020
I never charged my mom for taking care of her (the labor, as it were), but Mom insisted on paying for her personal things - her meds, clothing, incontinence supplies, doctor bills, DME, etc. She did pay family members who came out to "momsit" when Hubs and I would take a weekend getaway.

When my sister became ill with cancer, I flew out to care for her several times, and Mom paid for the trip and the expenses because, as she put it, "You're going out there in my place. I'd go if I could, but I can't." Ditto when my cousin (Mom's goddaughter) became ill. Mom always took care of all of us when we were sick or needed help. She was just that way, and she was distressed that she could no longer do things like that.

Despite her kind and generous nature, Mom got very difficult to live with during the last couple of years that she lived with me, but I continued to care for her until it was no longer physically possible for me to do so.

I never wanted to charge her for my labors because she had done so much for me over my lifetime. And from a practical standpoint, I knew that she would need to have at least 2 months' worth of long term care expenses to fall back on during the Medicaid application process if it became necessary to place her in a facility. I didn't want to deplete those savings.

I guess it all depends on the family dynamics.
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I am a paid independence caregiver.
I work 30 hours a week caribg for a senior.
I reveive 3,500.00 a month.
Enough said.
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Learning5 Jun 15, 2020
Helpful information.
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After looking for a month, The absolute least expensive In Home Caregiver I found to Care for my 96 yr old Dad 24 7, in his own home wanted 12 hr but accepted $9 for Full Time and $12 an hr Holidays.

Just $9 an hr is $512 a week.

Your Mom should be paying a Minimum of $500 a week.

Yiu should get a Home Health Care Provider to come out and give you an estimate fir taking Care of your mom 24 7 and they will quote anywhere from $15 - $25 an hr.

Show tgat estimate to your mom then tell her you'll accept $500 a week or she can try having a Caregiver instead and pay the higher amount.
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