How do I detach myself from a codependent mother?

How old are your parents? Do they have any impairments ? It sounds as though they can fend for themselves. Can mom get a part time job?

Look, my kids are in their 30s. My husband and I are 62. He was out of work for 3 1/2 years during the worst part of the recession. We got by. We NEVER would have thought to ask any of our children (his 1, my 3) for support.

Contact the local council on aging or social services. They should have a list of affordable senor apartments. They will have to move to a less expensive area. Do they have any friends or relatives further inland? Get online and see if you can research rental prices in less trendy locations.

I would certainly proceed with moving if I wanted to, but I would give them sufficient notice and I would also assist them in making it so they can afford to live without you. I would sit down with them and help them with a budget, see what they have to work with and find a place they can afford. It could be in the area, but a cheaper apt or another location where the cost of living is lower. If they have a house, they may need to sell. I would suggest an Elder Law attorney to get advice on Estate planning, selling houses etc., BEFORE I did it, because there are repercussions depending on your income and assets. They need to protect them for the future. Your parents should be able to do this on their own, but if they are relying on you, they may neglect to do it and end up destitute. I would try to support my parents in finding a way to live on their means, so when I left, I could feel confident they were on good footing.

I'm not sure if you and your mom are codependent or if she's simply gotten into the habit of depending on you.

"Mom, Dad, you must realize that since I've lost my job, I'm not going to be able to help you guys out anymore. For the sake of economy, I'm going to be moving in 3 weeks."