How do I decide what stays and goes from house after parents move to independent living?

To be honest, guilt isn't appropriate. You didn't cause this. You can't fix it. This is GRIEF, not guilt.
You know you are close to losing loved ones and all the memories that makes them who and what they are/were.
You don't have energy to waste on such self-accusations.
It is on your parents that they have not downsized their lives, and that they haven't the funds to make the next payment on rent (which doesn't bode well for the future, by the way). It's not on you and it's not your fault.

That handled, on to the task at hand. I would call estate sale companies and ask if they will handle the clearing and sale for what profit they can make out of it. Or if they know any company that will. Then I would call hauling places and find out the same.

Saving stuff gets ridiculous. I am 81. None of this stuff is going to my grave with me. And my daughters are already up to their eyeballs in their own stuff. There's no one who has more useless worthless "stuff" than Americans. In San Francisco it is out on the streets free to the extent you could furnish a studio and supply your kids with toys for a year.

The storage company lockers in this country should be a lesson to us all. But somehow they aren't. We just keep getting them, paying for them, and filling them with stuff no one wants or will ever use again.

For me I would call 1-800-junk and have it cleared. But that's me. I have already cleaned up my own mess so that there will be little for my daughter to have to address. I was brought up by parents who did the same for me.

I love a piece that the brilliant Annie Dillard wrote--and I can't remember it exact--but it went something like "We live our lives as though hundreds of thousands haven't lived before us, and as though there were not hundreds of thousands yet to come".
That is so true. We imagine we are more than a blink of the eye. We aren't. Get rid of it. You may find yourself strangely made lighter.

And yup, we always think that someone must care that Great Aunt Irma's cut glass cheese dish, which still rings like a bell, is somehow still valuable to anyone (it isn't; the young don't collect, they game and play on the ipad), or that someone will pay for it (they won't; they never heard of cut glass).

You can talk up how wonderful it is to give their items to charity, which could be Goodwill, Habitat for Humanity, or any thrift shop of your choice. You can rent or say you rented a space at a warehouse where all their stuff goes. Cost will depend on size of the space. You can get rid of things as you wish while mom still thinks she has them somewhere. You can take pictures of the items she holds so dear, get rid of them, and present her with the pix later (or not, since she may forget about all of them soon anyway).

About the guilt: After the five plus years that it took both of my parents to die, and the undue burden that they put on me, including their health and multitudes of legal problems, two homes and an apartment full of junk, offices and attics filled with things that hadn't seen the light of day in 60 years, I had no guilt. I was angry that they'd gone about their happy lives of horrendous accumulation without a care as to who would deal with this when they were no longer around. Five years of servitude to them plus five more years of dealing with their tangle of property, business, lies, legal issues and possessions cured me of guilt. Having no life of my own because of them was hard to bear for all that time, especially when I had health and other serious issues of my own to manage.

I advise you to get angry. It works wonders.

I used a company called Caring Transitions. They evaluated for an estate sale and provided a quote. They also gave me a quote for clearing and donating the usable items, trash removal, and final cleaning. I did initial sort to locate important documents and family heirlooms and moved out anything I might want to keep (still sorting some boxes). My parents did not have a lot of high value items for a sale, so I chose the donation route. They did all the work, and local agencies to help those in need got some nice things to help others. I cannot recommend the Toledo branch of Caring Transitions highly enough. They were great.

I just went through this less than a month ago. I was completely alone to do this job (I am an only child) and my stepmom is a hoarder (I didn't realize the degree until I started to try to clean out on my own. I chose to go the route of hiring an estate sale person. Personally - I had to detach and let them takeover entirely. I too needed to get the house on the market and told myself if the sale could generate enough money to pay for the estate people and then enough money for someone to haul out what didn't sell I would be in good shape (I simply didn't have the time or manpower to do it o my own). We got lucky - we made a significant profit from the sale, even after the clean out phase. We also had someone see the house and offer to purchase cash, as is. I found after about 2 months of going over every weekend and spending 16 hours a weekend it was making me sad, angry and bitter. Ultimately, I picked a few items that reminded me of my parents (both my dad and stepmom are in memory care - VD and unspecified dementia due to brittle diabetes), for me it was VERY hard to take items as they are still alive. So I simply took a few things I knew I would treasure, Dad's bible for example. Then I had to separate myself from the process - I get that this doesn't work for everyone. I wish you the very best of luck...I don't think anyone understands how hard this part is unless you are going through it <3

I just went through moving myself and husband with dementia. I started with a junk dealer to pick up real junk. Sold very few items. Our sons took care of selling the house.

Most important. I simply put any feelings of sadness or guilt on a shelf never to be removed.

We haven't looked back. Not going that way. Your parents won't either once settled.

Personally, I would remove anything that I know is important, statements, birth certificates, legal docs, etc. or valuable and then I would hire an estate sales company. It costs nothing up front and takes away all of the emotional turmoil from you.

Another thing that will be beneficial is estate sales companies will straight out tell you if there is anything worth selling. This may mean a large dumpster in the front yard but, done is done and there are no options for this situation, it must get done rapidly.

Your mom now has her hands full with everything in her new home, so, don't bring up the sale or items or anything from her previous home. If she asks for something specific, tell her it's in one of the boxes at her apartment and move on to a different topic.

Best of luck getting the house cleared and sold with minimal upset for everyone. It is just stuff after all.

That brought back memories of cleaning out my parents house after my Mom had passed and Dad decided it was time to move into a senior living facility. Dad loved his books, he had 200 of them. Told him he need to narrow down the books, and he did. The standing joke was Dad took 199 of his books with him to senior living :)

I tried to get someone to do an estate sale on what was left in the house. I got the feeling the companies weren't interested unless the paintings were by Monet and the furniture had sat in Buckingham Castle.

Got a great idea from someone here on the forum, to swap out things. I looked around my own house to see what I could swap out for something of my parents. Now I have most of their table lamps, and I donated mine. Got some of Dad's bookcases which he handmade. Pudding bowls now hold paperclips. And my parents unusual bookends are now holding up my books :)

For the furniture, called in Goodwill and the Salvation Army. Anything left over, used a local hauling service. Expensive glassware and jewelry went to a hospital yearly rummage sale. I still have an early 1900 encyclopedia, heavens knows what to do with that, as my 3 or 4 year old self took to drawing on the pages.

First, you tell those who won't help but are there telling you what to do " If you can do a better job than do it. If you don't want to do it, then keep your opinions to yourself. You may lose a friend or family member, though, by saying that.

You just do it. No emotions no sentimentality, you just do it. If those boxes are things she just bought, send them back unopened. Keeping track so you know if Mom gets a credit. The quickest way to get rid of stuff is an estate sale. You can hire someone to get it all set up and they take a % of the sales. You go in ahead and get the trash and clean out the junk. Estate sales bring in more money than yardsales. Anything left over, you give away to Thrift stores. You takeva room at a time.

Its almost April, June will be here before you know it, You need to roll up those sleeves and get it done. Tell Dad to keep Mom away from the house. You can put the house up for sale and clean out too.

Put a ad on Craigs List - Free - and either Place belongings On side walk or let people take the stuff . You would be surprised at How many responses you will get . Other people Just bring what they can to a Thrift shop Like Good will . I Gave all My Mothers good clothes to a Half way house for schizophrenic people .

I had to get my brother’s house sold, from the other side of the country. He’s a veteran, a bachelor, with dementia. He had lived alone in the house for 20 years. I talked frankly with the realtor I found, who ran a family business in the area for decades. She took us under her wing. She had a crew of workers. They salvaged a few critical items, but otherwise we gave her free rein to clean up and clean out as needed. They hired a dumpster, cleaning service, painter, floor refinisher, yard guy and they really did a great job. She kept me in the loop by phone, Facetime, text, and email.
The results were fantastic and it was well worth the expense! And the home sold within a week of going on the market.
I know it is awful to deal with, but it might help if you could separate yourself emotionally and not feel you have to hang onto things because your parents are trying to cling to the past. It’s all just STUFF.