How do I deal with this?

The Silent Treatment is a passive-aggressive tool of abusive control & manipulation. My mother has used it on me *and my father* for my entire life and I've come to expect it and detest it. While I do love my mother, I sure as heck do not LIKE her at all, and with very good reason. Setting boundaries with a person like this infuriates them.............makes them even angrier and more abusive, using stronger tactics to turn you into a wimpering pile of mush that SHE can control! That's the idea, that's the game, that's their base of control.

Here is a great article I came across a while ago, thanks to another member on Aging Care dealing with a similar mother; take a look, it may help you as it has me:

https://lifelessons.co/personal-development/covertpassiveaggressivenarcissist/#3

I placed both of my parents in Assisted Living back in 2014 because I knew from a very early age that I would NEVER take my mother in to live with me, nor would I go back to live with her. Once was more than enough. My only goal was to get OUT of there, not to go back IN! Recognizing one's own limitations is vital in order to thrive. Otherwise, we are sucked into the vortex and our lives are given over to THEIR whims. To THEIR negativity and control tactics. It's a choice. Stay where you are or make other arrangements. If your situation is like mine, my dad was a sweet & decent man; it is my mother who is the toxic Tessie. Since they came together as a package, however, I couldn't take HIM in and leave HER out. So they both went into AL and dad passed away in 2015. Mom is still in AL but now in the Memory Care building the past 18 months. Of course, there is 'nothing wrong with her at all, it's the others who are stupid morons and idiots' and she has NO BUSINESS living there. Fact is, she DOES belong there, so that's when the 'conversation' stops and I hang up the phone.

What do you do but cry? You've cried ENOUGH. What you do is you make a vow to take YOUR life back now. You will stay unimportant and feel like you don't matter as long as you agree to stay with a person who treats you that way. Things won't change. You are her whipping post as I am my mother's whipping post. Difference is, I don't agree to it. As soon as she starts in on me, I leave her presence or I hang up the phone. I don't deserve bad treatment by ANYONE *especially not my own mother* and neither do YOU. Once you agree to be treated as a lovable, worthwhile, important human being, THEN you decide to make other arrangements and move out.

What else can she take from you? Only what YOU are willing to give her. Because she is willing to take EVERYTHING. That's what these women do. They take and take and take until there is only an empty shell left. And you deserve so much more than that, my friend. I hope you realize it.

Best of luck

When I get groceries I make sure to get several "pop in the microwave" meals. I also keep soups, lunchmeat and snacks. It's just me and my mom so I do all the cooking and I'm just not up to the task. We use paper plates to keep the dishes to a minimum and that works for us.

As for the attitude, some people choose to be anger, unhappy and miserable their whole lives. That's not me and I refuse to have it in my house. Hope you can read some books or literature on what you think will help. I'm a big fan of self help and welcome free advice. It will give you something to focus on while she sits in her silent treatment mode. Don't share your problems with her if all you're going to get is negative feedback. Get a pet for company, they always cheer me up, never talk smack and are always so happy we're together.

Covid makes it even harder than it usually is to make changes, but I think you should sit down and think about YOU want your life to be like.

Any thoughts about possible shifts you could make? What have you tried before?

Not much. Have a good cry. No reason not to.
If we live with someone, I don't care WHAT the relationship is--spouses, partners, parents and children, roommates--there are bound to be bickers. You have them and then you get over them. The best thing my current partner ever taught me is not to hold on to grievance. Your Mom hasn't learned that yet. Just treat her as though she is being sweet; perhaps it will take on her and she WILL be sweet.
We all have arguments. They are no fun. But eventually they pass.
If you are overall unhappy in this life, however, it is time to contemplate making a change. If the virus does nothing else it gives us this window of time to contemplate and plan for change in our lives if that is needed moving forward.
Sure do wish you good luck.

You DO matter--and your mom has spent your whole life making you feel that you don't.

Can you leave? Move to a low income apartment and live very frugally?

Ohhhh--mothers who play these games with their kids long into adulthood just make me furious. It's OK to not have good feelings about someone who doesn't deserve them. BOUNDARIES are what need to be set up and diligently enforced.

The boundaries can include simply by stepping away and having zero contact with your mother until YOU get the help you need to function.

you need counseling and meds, maybe, to help you break the depressive cycle. I wish you all the luck--and hugs to you too.