How do I deal with the guilt of being a caregiver for my parents?

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I am a full time live in caregiver for both of my parents. It started with my dad recuperating from major surgery and then my mom started with vascular dementia from a stroke and diabetes as well as gastroperesis. I do not work outside the home and I know I need to get paid for the work I do. How do I get past feeling guilty for asking for money for taking care of them? I am depressed and overwhelmed and starting to have bouts of resentment toward my brother who does not help at all and even toward my parents.

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Panzer, you have nothing to fee guilty about. Unfortunately, the responsibility nearly always winds up on only one, no matter how many others there are that should share. My only real advice is this: Don't let guilt (and resentment ) build up in you. That will destroy your own health. Seek a close friend, pastor or support group near you. You need to be able to talk freely about it to someone who will not be judgmental, but fair.
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Reply to jonesy5
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As long as they have the funds they need to be paying you, without you feeling guilty about it. Whatever you get paid is going to be less than if they had to pay someone from the outside. If you did have a job, you couldn't give up the job to take time to help them to the degree they need it. This is a sore point for me as I also do not work. Luckily I am in good financial shape, but still get mad that my parents and siblings just assume since I do not have a job I am always available to do whatever they want like a slave almost

You need to set up a contract for your parents to pay you a reasonable wage. Nothing to feel guilty about. Sometimes I feel guilty when I do not visit enough, but I would ot feel guilty about getting a reasonable wage.
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Reply to Karsten
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If folks cannot afford to pay you then you need to stop making the sacrifice and get a job to plan for your own old age. Folks then go to a facility or get the in home help that they need through an agency.
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Reply to gladimhere
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Good info from Glad. You should be paid for your caregiving if your parents can afford to do so.
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Reply to anonymous439773
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Pansergirl1968, you've gotten some good advice from gladimhere. Looking ahead for possible need for Medicaid financial assistance, Agingcare.com has pointers on what should be in a personal care contract at https://www.agingcare.com/articles/personal-care-agreements-compensate-family-caregivers-181562.htm

And if you implement such a contract, don't forget to pay Social Security taxes on your income, as that may become important for your SS benefits when you become eligible. Also, if you have minimal other income, reporting the personal care income might make you eligible for health care insurance subsidies. Kudos to you for taking care of your parents.
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Reply to bicycler
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Panzer, they should pay you for care! So obtaining a caregiver agreement is necessary so that Medicaid benefits are not at risk in the future. I cared for both for four years it was financially devastating for me until a court ordered that I be paid by mom. You see one twisted sister was mom's POA's and her cohort, other twisted sister were more concerned about their inheritance. The amount the court ordered was nowhere near the 12-15k that they would have been charged in a facility. But, it was something.

Do yourself a favor and forget about bro helping. It will not happen on any sort of regular schedule. It only will cause you additional frustration and anxiety. Instead find a home elder care agency to come in to get yourself regular breaks. You will need it. And folks pay for that, not you.

And you have nothing to feel guilty about. You are making quite the sacrifice.
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