Aunty is coming home from NH rehab in 2 days!! How do I deal with this upcoming stress?

Considering your own multiple health problems, it seems to me like you have more than enough stress just taking care of your own needs.

While you may be "stuck" since your aunt is being discharged you may get lucky and find an opening in a nursing facility. Yes, she will cry and not want to go. Strokes can make people have crying "breakdowns." I'm not down playing your aunt's distress but her emotions may be over the top from her strokes as well as the trauma of the hip. That’s understandable. But you are looking for the best, overall, for your family.

If you can't place your aunt quickly, then she'll have to come home with you, but keep looking for a facility that can take her. Most of us hate to see our loved ones upset and your aunt is bound to fight this move. But how can you possibly take decent care of yourself and still tend to her needs?

Sometimes the best for our loved one is to have younger, stronger bodies do the heavy lifting. You could visit daily if the facility is close and that is what you want to do. At least you could visit frequently and be her advocate to make certain she gets the care that she needs.

Accidents will happen - no facility other than those that only very wealthy people can afford - will offer one on one care. However, if the care is satisfactory over all, this is probably your best option.

Please keep us updated on what you decide to do.

Take care of yourself - it's vital that you do so.
Carol

You have the option. DON'T DO IT. I took my mom in and its the worst thing I have ever done. Even if she is the sweetest kindest woman on earth it will change. Please don't let guilt play a role in this. Its the worst feeling ever. It will be harder to get out of once you do start looking after her. And as for her family eventually they will not help even if they say it now it will stop later on I can guarantee you this. All the best to you.

If you really adore this auntie and you plan on devoting your life to her, go ahead. On the other hand, once she is in your home, you'll be stuck with her whether you like it or not. She's obviously needs much care and that will be very hard on you. I would tell her family that you've changed your mind. You will become a prisoner in your own home, she will treat you worse than the staff at the nursing home and will soon expect you to wait on her hand and foot. It is a thankless job, I'd back out or your life will never be the same. You have a big heart for even entertaining the idea.

Aunty threw a tantrum and you gave in. You are about to become a 24/7 caregiver. Do you really want to do this? Maybe you and the granddaughter should set the emotions aside and ask what the facility would recommend for aunty. Perhaps Assisted Living would be better for her, and it could save your life. I just don't see how a disabled person could survive this.

See If your Aunt qualifies for Medicaid, the State might allow a trained Caregiver come in to help for a couple hours. Also check to see if your State is one of those States that has a “Cash and Counseling” program to help you out, it‘s worth looking into. Note that each State has their own rules, regulations, and programs.

Also contact your county agency on aging for programs such as Case Management, Meals on Wheels, Adult Day Care, housing, care referrals, etc,... go to the website link below.... click on your State.... now click on the city/county. https://www.agingcare.com/local/Area-Agency-on-Aging

And please come back to the forums if you have any Caregiving questions, we would be more than happy to share our experiences with you, and give you ideas on what to do.

After trying to find sitters - or any help we could afford - I was 24/7 caregiver for my mamma when she became unable to care for herself. I managed for awhile but really think this through before committing to the most difficult thing you will ever try to do. We auctioned off the property and mamma is now warm safe and dry (a biggee) in a 24/7 memory care unit. It will be very difficult to make other arrangements after she goes home. Only do this if you are truly willing to give up your life because after a short while the bitterness and resentment will rear their ugly heads. As much as I love mamma this was the best decision for all around for my family. I will say intentional prayers for you to be guided to the right choice.

Gospelgirl223, your aunt should have Medicare Nursing Home Care when she is released from rehab. Someone should make sure her doctor has requested the evaluation. A nurse will come to the home and evaluate what she needs as far as physical and occupational therapy. The nurse will recognize that you are not physically able to move her. See an article on this site by John Roberts, "Getting Medicare to Pay for Nursing Home Care".

Hi, Gospelgirl; I sympathize with you. This situation comes with stress, but try to remain calm as you consider all aspects. Since you say you are on disability, have you asked your doctor what he/she thinks about this?

It may help to share a few more details about your and your aunt's situation. For example: Did you two live together in her home before she broke her hip, and if so, how was it?--were you relatively happy living together? Do any of the other aunts/uncles live in the home?

Is she still mentally sharp? How far ahead of the expected discharge date is this? What 'home care' will there be? Will therapists/nurses, and other family be involved in the immediate aftermath of her homecoming? Is she expected to be fairly independent after she gets through rehab? How involved are any other family members in her day-to-day care?

Each situation is unique. Returning home after rehab can work wonders for elderly
people. I've seen that. I don't blame your aunt for getting upset when nobody comes to help her to the bathroom. Who knows what else happened to her that day. Perhaps that was the straw that broke the camel's back. But if she comes home, it has to be to a situation that works for everyone involved, including you. Her granddaughter POA should have a 'Plan B' anyway. Freqflyer has offered some good advice on how she can obtain advice/possible help.

I do agree with all the post's. It's hard to grasp when you haven't taken care of a loved one at home. I brought my mother to live with me four years ago. I did not expect to take care of her so long. One year turned into two. Two years turned into three three years is almost four. It's been a nightmare. My life has changed drastically. I have no freedom or privacy. I never thought I would come to resentment t my mother but I have. I have become somewhat bitter over my role as a caretaker. It really takes a physical and emotional toll on you when you become someone's caretaker. The demands are too much. I'm sure you love your aunt, but consider assistant living. You have to take care of yourself and make wise decisions right now or you may be in a situation you will learn to hate, then feel stuck. This may be hard for you to understand, but care taking takes on a whole life of it's own and then people who have never care taken seem to think it's not that intense but it is. I wish you the best.

I lost my mom's caregiver this year, and he was my beloved brother. He got worse day by day, he got picked on, they blamed him for everything, He lived with her for nearly twenty years so we expected him to do whatever, without asking him if he could handle it? Other people made the schedules he should live by... what they should eat, when they should eat it, where they will eat it, and who she would eat with, and that was before breakfast. I think the caregiver's are the most incredible human beings, one third of them die before the person they are taking care of die. Bless the caregivers who care for our parents this Mother's Day. They have the most thankless job, but they are our backbone to decently!