I am crying a lot lately and wishing that I was not even here. It's so frustrating. I wish that I could do things that I like instead of constant caregiving and babysitting. Cousin always has somewhere to go, so Aunty and I have to look after her kids (11 years old and 19 months). The kids' other grandma is away, so our amount of babysitting has increased until she returns. Aunty yells a lot if I do something with the baby that she disagrees with; she's from the "let him do whatever he wants" school, where I am a little more cautious because I worry about him hurting himself. The 11-year-old is not much help because he tries to avoid the baby while the baby screams to be around him, although I understand his need for personal space. He told me that he never gets any privacy at home (his "summer job" is watching the baby while his parents work; dad works days as a group home aide and mom works nights as an E.R. nurse, and his godmother and his dad's mom fill in as needed).It is almost back to school time and I am upset because I will never get to work with kids again.