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My mother is 83. Released into my care out of the psychiatric ward because she tried to overdose on her prescribed medications. She has had mental illness her whole life. Im in the process of getting her into assisted living. Our relationship has not been the best over the years since I was young. Her negative attitude and just demeanor in general is wearing on me. The constant criticism and lack of appreciation is making it hard to keep my patience. I know her life is uprooted but just her not considering that mine is too is very difficult for me.

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I'm sorry that you accepted her into your care when she was released from the psych ward.
I hope you are successful in finding a suitable placement for her soon.
Until then, everyone here has already offered good advice for preserving your sanity.
If she ends up in the hospital for any reason, You do not have to take her home.
If the hospital staff tries to pressure you into taking her, be very clear with them that you are not able to care for her condition and she needs to be transferred to a care facility.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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Just remember you don't owe her anything. You are doing a lot for her as it is. I would say try to avoid hearing what she is saying. Ear buds are a great idea. So is walking away. Protect your mental health with distance. Not saying run to another county or something, just to another room. It does depend on how mobile she is and what she might destroy if left to her own devices. But it really seems like you need some encouragement that it's ok to not be fawning over her and trying to make her happy, as you will not be able to do so. Please read through this forum. You can do a search and find all sorts of information about people who went through this with their parents when they were not great at parenting etc.

Dealing with someone else's untreated mental health issues is very draining and sometimes the only sane thing to do for yourself is to cut them off or keep them at arm's length. It is very sad when someone isn't willing or able to help themselves and we have very few ways to force them to get help. I think that might be for the best overall, as hard as that is to hear.
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Reply to SamTheManager
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I am so sorry you are going through this! Hopefully, medications would help. I agree with Brandee, do everything you can to stay less stressed. She probably can’t help what is happening to her. The moods are regulated in the brain.
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Reply to Tiger8
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Do you live with her? If so get out of the house. Hang out at starbucks or the library or walk the mall. Give yourself a lot of distance from her. Screen your calls. Hang out in parking lots and read a book. Make sure you get some physical exercise every day. Take a walk in some parks. Check out a gym membership for you. Get together for lunch with friends. Go to a house of worship on Sunday.

Wear the Iphone earbuds and listen to music when you are around her. I'm not tech savvy and just got this going. Wear the white ones and just act like you can't hear her.

If you have to pay someone to sit with her temporarily it would be worth it.

We have schizophrenia and bipolar in our family so I know it is rough.
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Reply to brandee
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I would like to recommend a book. It is titled Never Simple and is by Liz Scheier. Ms Scheier tried to work with, for, and intervene in behalf of her mentally ill mom for many decades. She was smart and had access to the best social workers. It was all to no avail. While her mother lived a long life it was a crucible--a totally miserable existence for them both all the time she was alive.

Dr. Laura has an expression: Not everything can be fixed. Some things are without an answer. I am afraid this is something you have likely learned the hard way over time.
Best we can do is tell you how sorry we are you are going through this. I surely wish you the best of luck. While Ms Scheier's book won't have answers for you, it will perhaps make you feel less alone. I home you join support groups for those dealing with mentally ill family members.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Is she on any meds for her mood or illness? If not, why not? If she is but refuses to take them, tell her you will return her to the hospital psych ward.

I'm so sorry for this distressing situation and blessings to you for helping her when she doesn't even appreciate it.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Use moms funds to hire help to care for her during the day so you can leave her presence. She's not going to change her attitude now, so don't bother trying to get her to become a considerate human. Just figure out how to get away from her.

Good luck.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Caregiveronce Dec 1, 2025
Exactly. A negative attitude infects everyone.
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