How do I deal with my mother's accusations? She sees me as her enemy. She will not say it to my face, but will tell my kids and her friends.

Some people will give their loved one a small amount of money to spend. Please tell your daughter that it isn’t wise for her to move in with her. It will become overwhelming for her. Your mom needs more care than your daughter can or should provide. Your daughter deserves to visit her as a granddaughter, and not live with her as a caregiver.

Your Mom has Dementia. You are going thru what a lot do here. Try not to take it to heart. Not a good idea for daughter to take her in. Mom will need to have 24/7 care.

What you can do depends upon whether or not you are her POA for financial. In that case you have a fiduciary responsibility to keep her money safe and to pay her bills and to keep meticulous records and folders for receipts. Give her her own private spending account. Get rid of any credit cards. Again, this depends upon a solid and well written POA. Arrange to have bills sent to you. Put your name on accounts ONLY as POA and sign checks as "her name" followed by "your name as POA in fact". Tell her you are taking her worries off her. I was told over and over when my bro was in ALF how happy he was to be over worry ing about bills. I supplied him a monthly accounts of his assets in and his expenditures out and he kept this in a fold, though seldom looked at it. He had his own spending account which made him feel great, paid for his haircuts and so on, and which he actually ended only ADDING to. As to the hoarding tendency, good luck with that at any age and under any circumstances.