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My mom is losing things that she is taking out to look at and then not remembering where she puts them. My brother and I have tried to find them in her home, but we have not had much luck as she has a lot of stuff around in her closets and drawers. How do I handle this?

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My mom would wrap everything i. A napkin and toss it. Glasses her dentures, her ink pen toothbrush some times half her food. It took me awhile to figure out why so many napkins.
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Reply to LoniG1
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1) Try and ignore her accusations. You can't change her mind, and it is no use arguing about it.
2) Talk to her doctor (if you have a chance) about medication to calm her agitation.
3) Place cameras around her house, so you and your brother, or so mom herself, can see where she put things she lost.
4) Consider whether she is still safe living at home on her own.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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Paranoia over many things, but ESPECIALLY regarding "our stuff" is common to dementia. I would do some research online and watch a whole lot of Teepa Snow. It is very important not to argue with elders, but you do need to tell them you feel something is likely simply displaced and will show up. At some point, when shadowing and accusations and compulsive reactions are extremely common this is something to discuss with the doctor. Some have had good results with low dose anti-depressants. And at some point, in home care may not be able to be sustained over time. I wish you the best. Try everything and hope something works.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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She may need a check up on her meds. Also make sure she doesn’t have UTI. Mine goes beyond the norm when she has UTI. A check up may be in order.
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Reply to Myraesq
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JulietsMom25: You can garner knowledge on the disease by reading the book, 'The 36 Hour Day.'
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Reply to Llamalover47
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It’s part of the passage of dementia. Actually I’ve known of some who didn’t have dementia but just couldn't accept that they themselves made a mistake. Since you know your mother does, just try to disassociate from the accusations and focus on the fact that she is ill.

If and when you have an opportunity, try to reduce the belongings so she doesn’t have as many places to hide her treasures. That can be a challenge as well.

I had a friend who developed dementia. She had a spiral notebook where she would write the names of everyone who had been to see her or she could think of trying to decide which person took whatever it was she was looking for. She drove her poor DIL crazy with her paranoia.

My DH Aunt would give things away. Then forget who she gave them to. That was a problem too as there would be someone else in the family who said she had promised the item to them. The implication was that I knew where it went and I did not.

In time this behavior will pass,
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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My mother used to do that but blame one of the caregivers since I could only visit once or twice a week. In her case it was most often jewelry that she lost, and one piece in particular. I had given her an inexpensive ring to wear in place of one her grandmother gave her but she couldn’t wear anymore. Her mother had also worn it and cracked the stone at one point so she didn’t want to wear a cracked stone. She remembers that I gave her the nice but inexpensive ring so hers wouldn’t be damaged more. She also still thinks it is an expensive replacement. Anyway, I actually bought several copies of the ring I gave her so when she lost one we could claim someone found it and when the first did finally show up we could squirrel it away to do the switch again if need be. Now that she is in MC things have gone missing, sometimes because she has accidentally put it in the trash. We are quite sure she wrapped her hearing aids in a tissue when she took them out then threw out the tissue, and suspect that a remote control fell in the trash without being noticed. Now we are usually the ones to notice something is missing. One time I actually found a pair of pants in the trash! Sometimes she thinks another resident came in and took something but she is more understanding since many are not as high functioning as she is. In those cases the staff has often found the item and returned it. I think that, as others have mentioned, this may be a phase that she is passing out of, especially since she no longer remembers having whatever item to begin with!
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Reply to Animallovers
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CaringWifeAZ Oct 13, 2025
Clever solution buying several copies of the replacement ring that kept getting lost!
(1)
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She has dementia or possibly Alzheimer's. Her brain is dying and you should not be following what she “thinks” is happening. Ignore and contact her Dr. or the Area Agency on Aging and offer her their resources.
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Reply to RetiredBrain
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Offer to help her look for it, do that briefly, then think of a reason to walk out. You will not convince her that you didn't take it no matter how much evidence your provide, or how much reason and logic you use. My Mom went through a phase of this type of suspicion/paranoia and it was exhausting to try to exonerate myself daily. I usually say, "No, I didn't take it. Oh, here's that call I was waiting for...." then I put my phone to my ear and pretend I'm getting a call and walk away. I give it some time before I return. I do this or some variation of it every time.
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Reply to Geaton777
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I don't know anything about your mom (age/health) but it seems like dementia and I wouldn't be worried about missing "stuff" as in belongings. Focus on the financial "stuff" that could be missing. This is when statements go missing into the recycling bin and bills don't get paid. Medical premiums, property insurance and utilities are more important!
Important paperwork such as policies and titles should be put in a safe place for their use in the future. Just keep telling Mom that you're looking for what's missing and fib some little white lies. I suggest a little more information about your mom could help the forum, help you.
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Reply to JuliaH
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