I don't know how to handle my mother. She is 66 so still relatively young and for financial reasons I live with her (age 31). My mother isn't the easiest person to live with but I have no choice for the time being. I think she's depressed. Sometimes her dog will pee and my mother doesn't seem to care. I'll point it out the it needs to be mopped because it's unsanitary and as a defense mechanism she will yell at the top of her lungs to "get off her back" or "I'm in pain". She has arthritis but doesn't do the stretches her doctor tells her to and she thinks eating out everyday is healthy. Usually when she yells I ignore it but yesterday I yelled back. Of course she said I'm the one who needs help (I do!). I work 70 hours a week at 3 jobs. How do I get her to care more about taking care of herself and the house?
Your mom is struggling too. If she has arthritis she truly is hurting. She needs some sort of motivation to make changes in losing weight. It’s hard for some people. She may be depressed and frustrated too.
Therapy helps. Do you have NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) in your city? It’s designed for low income.
Yes, stop using your credit cards. Pay it down as quickly as you can. You’re in a tough spot. Can you talk to your creditors?
Does your mom work at all? Are you her caregiver? Can she pay you a fee?
I don’t have a good answer for you. I’m sorry. Maybe others will have better advice. I hope things turn around for you soon. Hugs!
Forgive yourself for yelling. It’s bound to happen in your situation. Are these temporary jobs or is this is a more permanent job for you? Do you absolutely have to work at both jobs or switch to one job with better pay? I’m just trying to get a clearer picture of your situation.
Are you in debt other than credit cards? School debt, car loan, etc?
It sounds like you're doing a lot (despite your pains etc) and it really does sound to me like you will be able to move out at some point and have a space of your own. If it helps, remind yourself this is a temporary situation. Also, try to keep in mind that it doesn't make you a bad person if you clarify your needs and boundaries (I generally tend to feel bad about it! crazy!) -- you can show your Mom you totally love her and appreciate a bunch of things and at the same time you need to be acknowledged since you are human too, with hopes and pains and challenges and accomplishments of your own. You can invest in this relationship with her by showing your connection to her and calmly expressing your hopes (for the living conditions etc) -- it's fair and normal and not a bad thing.
I really hope things turn around very soon! You sound amazingly hard working! All the best. :)
Spend all the time you can away from home. When you’re there, be polite but distant. Keep your room or rooms clean and ignore the rest. That’s hard to do, but you can’t take on what’s not yours, you have enough already. Don’t get into arguments, just be polite and leave when you must. Remember what your goals are, I wish you the best
You are not home most of the time. Its just a place to sleep. Let her just do what she wants. Do what you can. Maybe u can pay a teen to check on the dog. Keep telling yourself it won't be forever.