So in the beginning of January my 70 year old father had a stroke that affected the use of his right hand and leg. He went to a rehab facility for a little under a month, but demanded to leave against medical advice when he still couldn't walk or take care of his basic needs. I pleaded with him to stay another week or two to receive the physical therapy that would have made being home easier for him and he refused. In addition, he was legally blind before the stroke and his vision is now worse.
My boyfriend and I quickly moved in to help take care of him as much as possible. We'd already been planning to move in temporarily to save money and help him, but his condition is much worse than anticipated when that was the plan. He has a home health aide who makes breakfasts and cleans, and a friend who lives with him and helps keep an eye when we're away. My boyfriend and I both work nearly fifty hours a week and can't be there 24/7. The roommate and him have had some disagreements since he's been home and he wants to kick the man out, leaving him basically alone the majority of the day once his caretaker leaves. He's already fallen twice in the week he's been out, and is completely unable to get back up if he does so.
Honestly, I'm so frustrated by the whole thing, angry and resentful at him for it. I've cried everyday coming home from work, only to get home and make him meals for the next day, put him to bed, and then spend the night dumping his urinal with ears peeled for when he might try to get up on his own. I'm trying to be patient and caring, I love my dad and he was a wonderful father to me. I think he thought things would fall into place when he got home, only to realize his mobility was much worse than he thought it was. He insisted he'd get by on his own, only to need near constant care.
I'm angry that he listened to a team of doctors tell him he wasn't ready, and completely ignored them. I'm angry that he put my boyfriend, myself, and his roommate into these roles while completely ignoring our pleas to stay slightly longer and work on rehabilitation. I feel like I can't go out and have any sort of a life without the worry of what might happen when I'm gone, and I'm just about to start an exciting new job.
I feel like if I voice these frustrations, even as kindly as possible, and let him know how I feel about his actions, he'll tell me to just leave, or worse, hurt himself out of guilt.
I guess I dont really know what I'm asking, but I'm just at a loss right now. I'm turning 27 next week, and was planning on spending the next year saving up for a house and then starting a family. Now I think I'll be living with my father indefinitely because he resisted good willed advice from doctors and everyone who cares about him. I get how frustrated he is himself, and how awful it must've been in rehab, but I don't know how much I can do for him and I feel selfish for wanting my own life.
Any advice or words of wisdom would be much appreciated.