My 83 year old mother has mild dementia & severe diabetes. She lives 1 mile from me in her own home. I go to her house every weekday morning by 6:45 a.m. to cook breakfast, clean up the kitchen, etc. before I go to work. Every weekend, I spend hours there cleaning, cooking, & doing her laundry (she is occasionally incontinent & refuses to wear disposable briefs!) I take care of her house, her finances, pay her bills, drive her to doctors, order meds & basically take care of her needs. I take her cooked food from my home 3 or 4 nights a week. She refuses to eat the Meals on Wheels dinners, we tried them for 6weeks last year & she gave most of each meal to the dog. Every evening, I drive to her house to give her an insulin shot and her meds. She has been on hospice for 6 months now, but that only consists of the nurse taking her blood pressure & oxygen level twice a week and an aide comes once a week to help her shower. Some weeks, my mom refuses to let the aide give her a shower & the aide cannot do anything about it. The aide is able to give her one approx. twice a month. My mom gives herself a sponge bath a couple times a week. Twice a week, I wash her hair & curl it before I go to work. She refuses to let me help with a shower. On the weekends, I clean house & do laundry for hours. I recently asked the hospice aide to come 1 day a week to do a little housework. She comes on Tues for 45 minutes & cleans the bathroom my mom uses & will vacuum a room or two. My mother's dementia is becoming worse, she is no longer able to take her blood sugar in the mornings and she can't keep track of the date or time. She is very ungrateful for all that I do! I In fact, at least once a week, she tells me to get the H--- out of her house. I have a sister who lives 200 miles away and she comes to visit for 20 hours every 6 - 8 weeks. I have tried talking to my sister, telling her our mother needs her too and she uses excuse after excuse. Yet this morning, my mother told me (after I had cooked breakfast, cleaned the kitchen, swept the floor, made her bed, & curled her hair - oh yes and I did fold one load of laundry & put another in to wash!) that I don't do anything for her & that my sister is nice to her. See, my sister never has to tell her to do anything, such as "Let's change your clothes, please don't eat lying down, we need to wash your hair, etc, etc." My sister only comes to visit, she doesn't do anything -she cooks a meal out of a box in the microwave for dinner or carryout from the Dollar Menu! I have been doing this now for nearly 5 years! My husband is in Stage 4 kidney failure, he is trying to get on the kidney transplant list at this time, he has a prostate issue that is keeping him from getting on the list. As he is unwell, I have had to take over most of his chores as well as taking care of my house. I work 4 days a week, working lunch hours so I can be off on Fridays to care for my mother. My husband & I take care of my 5 year old grandson 3 or 4 nights a week while our daughter works the graveyard shift. Needless to say, I am stressed! My mother slaps my face or attemps to strike me at least once a week. She calls me stupid and tells me I don't do a darn thing for her! I do realize dementia is partially a reason for this, but she was ungrateful & abusive long before she had dementia! Putting her in a nursing home is out of the question as we do not have the money ($6,500 a month). My dad lived in the local nursing home for 17 months before his death, he never qualified for Medicaid because they own 2 pieces of real estate that are unsellable, they have been on the market for years! My mother still owes the nursing home around $80,000! When my dad was in the nursing home, I contacted four different attorneys trying to figure out how to qualify for Medicaid for my Dad & they all advised me that until the properties are sold and the money all spent, he would never get Medicaid! Anyway, I know I have strayed from my subject matter - my mother being abusive & ungrateful! Also, I am very concerned about her worsening health & fears about her not being able to care for herself at all! What on earth will I do?? I guess I wrote this mainly to get it off my chest! I would appreciate any & all advice anyone has to offer me!