I am so very tired and feel physically sick. My sister and I live with our 85year old mom. Our dad died from lung cancer 12 years ago. We all lived in the same 2 family house. No mom lives upstairs by herself and we live in the bottom half of the building. I work full time and my sis takes care of the house, the errands, the cleaning, mom's doctor's appointments, and the shopping. She does not work. We both try and fit everything in that needs to get done. Not to mention the banking and financial issues which there are many completed issues in. We also are trying to have a semblance of a life. We don't have boyfriends and hardly every go out socially. We do most of the cooking and usually eat with mom most nites. She likes to eat at 5pm, even on weekends. This of late has been becoming problematic for us since firstly we sometimes are not even finished all the errands by then in time to cook or have spent so much time on errands that are now rushing to have meal ready by 5pm. Or we didn't get back from errands until late and had to have late lunch so we are not even hungry at 5pm. But we have dinner with her. We have been putting in a few nites a week for "doing our own thing" as we call it to either not prepare a big meal and/or just take care of what we need to and have a late evening meal alone. We also do this to have space. Our mom has a narcissistic personality, has no friends, and can be very mean. She was always difficult but now has become more so since she does not drive and depends on us for everything. She recently did something against our wishes which caused us and her more directly some great embarrassment. We were so angry about this but did not directly tell her anything. Now here again we just had to tell her that tonite and tmro we won't be eating with her (and don't get us wrong, her refrig is stocked with food and she has all the capabilities to cook). The reason or this is that I am having a horrendously busy day at work and am exhausted and my sister just now returned from a full morninga nd early afternoon of grocery shopping and is just now having lunch and eating at 5pm tonite will be too early and she is also tired. Also we can't eat tmro since we have many errands to do and then home to do outside gardening which we have fallen behind on. So thus we won't be eating with her tonite and tmro. My sister just called me to say mom is crying.
I am sorry to report that mom is losing her control over things since she doesn't drive and since she now has to depend on us for everything and hates that we do things based on our schedule. Please don't think we are prima donnas, we are not. We just have a lot of things to do and we need to prioritize. Mom sometimes wants us to jump and run when she says to for things that are not as important ... it is all about her will and not getting what she wants when she wants it.
I am rambling on here ... but we are just so depressed and tired.
We love our mom, but we can't take her anymore. Being around her 24/7 is a drain on us. My job is killing me and my sister is worn out with chores.
So, the question here really is how do we deal with her crying about us not eating with her every nite and how do we make her understand that we still love her but need our space without hurting her feelings. Thank you for listening.
I don't know how to deal with this. We can't go on like this. We need some space. How do we make mom understand that she