How do I deal with a sister who has all the signs of dementia and does not want to go to the doctor to be put on meds?

Eileen71: please read-up on Alzeimers Dementia. Confusion is one of the symptoms - yes it can happen when the person is trying to do a task that they've been performing for many, many years with no problem, like driving. She has to stop driving and there are some good suggestions on here already, like hiding her keys.

If you remove the car, just be aware of the legal ramifications you could face. You don’t actually have any authority to take the car from her and you can’t legally sell it.....so while she should absolutely stop driving, just make sure that whatever you do, you do it legally.

It would be wrong for you NOT to either hide the car keys, get rid of the car, or at least disable it so your sister is unable to drive!

There is not necessarily 'medicine' your sister can be prescribed for dementia. My mother has had it since before 2016 & takes no Rx's specifically for the disease. If your sister begins to exhibit signs of agitation or starts having hallucinations, etc, then she may be able to get an Rx to help. But she does need to get tested and then you need to have Plan B in force for the time she gets to be too much to manage at home, which happens quite often. The best thing you can do is read up on the subject and see what challenges you have ahead.

Wishing you the best of luck. Come here often for support and tips; we're all caring for elders and have experience, hope & strength to share.

Eileen, it is urgent that you stop her from driving immediately. Could you live with yourself if you knew she shouldn't be driving and she then injured or killed someone? You'd be an accomplice. If you want to avoid drama, remove her car when she's unaware and tell her it was towed or it's in the shop or, have someone disable it by scrambling the wiring. But removing it completely to a location she can't find is the best. Then you can go online to your state's DMV website and report her as an unsafe driver. She will get a letter calling her in for a eye or road test. Don't take her to it, let her license expire. I've done this 4 times. Find the title to her car and sell it, cancel her insurance, etc. It would NEVER be wrong to stop her from hurting others or herself.

Caring for someone with dementia is a whole other issue. There are many many people on this forum who have been in your shoes and can give you solid guidance, when you are ready. I wish you courage and peace in your heart as you work out solutions for your sister and yourself.

If you live in a senior community they sometimes provide transportation to the grocery, pharmacy and doctor appointments.

Tell her that she will have to rely on them for rides unless you are willing to transport her to these places.

For the safety of your sister and others on the road, you absolutely must stop her driving by any means you can. Do you share a car? If you each have your own, you will need to disable her’s or make some excuse to get it off your property and put your keys where she will not be able to find them, even in a locked box.

Someone, or perhaps more than one person has observed your sister driving in an unsafe manner in your development. People naturally don’t like to “make waves”, so if these people went to management, there must be a real problem with her driving unsafely. There may have been near misses. She could get out in the road, panic, cause an accident and kill someone. She could also become confused and become lost. You might not find her.

You need to explain to your sister that she can no longer drive. She will be upset and if you are driving, you need to assure her that you will take her out a few times a week or find a senior van for transportation for her. She will not be “stuck”. You can enlist the help of her doctor. But, you must stop her from driving.