My sister, who is 59, lived next door to my parents for many years. After my Dad passed in 2003, she became Mom's companion and then became her caregiver about 4 years ago when Mom's mental health began to change. Mom suffers from anxiety and depression, something I know is common with the elderly. Her physical health is excellent (she will be 88 in October), but at times the anxiety consumes her. My sister works as a secretary at a Hospital and has many contacts in the medical industry. She took Mom to several doctors (family physician, geriatric psychologist, psychiatrist, etc)and their response to her was this is a part of aging and you have to be patient and understanding, so their anxiety does not increase. Over time, my sister became frustrated and overwhelmed because she felt her efforts to help were unappreciated and nothing seemed to help Mom. I had been helping Mom with her finances for several years and my sister took care of the medical issues. Because things didn't seem to be improving with Mom, I began to ask questions and become a little more involved on the medical side, which my sister did not like. Within a few months, my sister decided she would no longer handle Mom's medical needs, which left me to take over. It caused an estrangement between my sister and I and almost two years later, has not been resolved.
In March 2017, Mom decided it was time to move from her home of 63 years and move to and adult home/ assisted living facility. This was Mom's decision, but needless to say, because my sister was not involved in this process, she had not been happy about the move. My sister rarely visits Mom, but when she does, it cause Mom stress and anxiety. My sister decides to visit in the early morning hours between 6 and 7 am basically because she doesn't want to run into any siblings. On her most recent visit, she was at the adult home at 6:20, gave Mom great anxiety and became very rude and obnoxious to the health care staff prompting them to contact me and asking me to come there to calm Mom down.
I do not want to cause more issues with my Sister, but is there anything you can recommend that may help prevent these things from happening in the future? The facility does not have set visiting hours and they are not sure if there's anything they can do to minimize the situation.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Mom is the priority here an my only goal is give her the best quality of life she deserves in her final years.