My elderly mom's caregiver works part time from Monday to Friday four hours in the morning and Sundays for five to six hours. She decided that she no longer wants to work on Sundays without giving me time to find someone to take her place. I asked her to give me some time to find a person and she is furious and says that she has to be with her daughter. My mom is very difficult lady and does not accept new people. The caregiver is taking advantage of the situation and knows that I cannot let her go. She does not want to be told what to do and basically thinks that she is the boss. If I make any remarks she does not want to hear about it. I am very frustrated and I feel that I have to tolerate this caregiver because of my mother's situation. I am always on call. Whenever the caregiver is sick or does not want to work on a certain day I have to cover her. I get very nervous on Sundays knowing that it is going to happen again. I would have liked to place my mom in a home but she made it very clear that she will never leave her home and got really angry when I mentioned it. I feel that I am being manipulated by her caregiver who is supposed to help. Feeling very awful.

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I agree, you need two caregivers and for the reasons you listed. When one can't be there, the other can take the others place.

Do you live with Mom? Who is with her on the hours that there is no caregiver? I assume Mom can be left alone?

If Mom can be left alone, then I can see allowing her to stay in her home. But, if she can't be left alone then its time for at least an AL. But, if she can still make informed decisions then you cannot force her to move. Hopefully you have POA?
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to JoAnn29

Yeah the caregiver isn’t the selfish one and she’s not the one manipulating you. Your anger is misdirected. You can’t possible expect the caregiver to work 6 days or to not need to change her schedule. You need more than one caregiver. And you need backup caregivers. Think of it like this. With you, Your Mom comes first. For the caregiver, her daughter comes first.
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Reply to worriedinCali

You need more than one caregiver. It's unreasonable to expect your caregiver to never ask to alter her hours. She's not a robot.
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Reply to anonymous594015

I have to agree. Your mother is manipulating you, not the caregiver. It is not selfish of her to not want/be able to work all the hours you want. What is selfish is your mother being unable to care for herself but refusing the option of assisted living and expecting you to give up your life so hers can stay the same.
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Reply to lkdrymom

Is it really selfish for someone to not want to work 6 days a week? Even if they are only part days, it has a huge impact on the caregiver's life. Speaking from experience I worked 6 days a week for 4 of 5 years. Trying to fit a life into a day off is challenging.

If Mum has dementia, she loses her choice to continue to live in her own home if she cannot manage. If you are finding it too much to manage her care, care givers and your own work then you have the right to say enough is enough.

Yes, you are being manipulated but I think Mum is manipulating the situation. Mum is not accepting other carers. Mum is refusing to move into a place with more care available to her and less stress for you.
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Reply to Tothill

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