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I’ve been with my boyfriend around 2 years and he’s got a disabled mother with a number of health issues, lack of mobility diabetes etc. She just stays in her bed 24/7 and has carers in twice a day.
I've never really been around anyone with mobility issues and being disabled.
She just does my head in, she’s very controlling of my boyfriend. For example, when we’re out, calling him a lot of the time and texting him. I understand he has to help look after her. But it’s like he has no life. She just always causes problems between us, arguments over things. Like I’ve got it in my head he’ll never be able to move out and we won’t be able to live together cause she will always be his number one priority.
I have spoken to him about it but he just brushes it off and says I’m being stupid but nothing much changes.
I'm getting to the stage where I’ve had enough but I do love him. I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice. Thanks

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It is the manipulative behaviour that raises red flags for me - if she is jealous of his time with you now and constantly needs to be in control imagine how much worse it would be if you were living together. There comes a point in a relationship where you are supposed to put your partner first (leave and cleave), for some that is after marriage but although many couples never take that formal step they are nonetheless committed long term. BF can still love and care for his mother without being at her constant beck and call, if he is not willing to explore ways to establish appropriate boundaries then I'm afraid love will not be enough.
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Reply to cwillie
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You asked for advice:
Never be stupid in love.
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He tells you that you are "stupid"?
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mally1 Dec 27, 2018
My sentiments exactly....
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My opinion, is that love is not always enough. If you read some of the former posts you will see that relationships are on the verge of breaking up because of caring for a parent and the child will not set boundries to make it easier on the significant other. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you will build a life with them. And you don't want to set a marriage of caring for someone and all living together. I don't think it would be wrong to ask ur BF to tell his Mom no calls while you are out together. If ur 23 she can't be more than 50? She maybe able to do for herself and chooses to let her son do it.

I think you maybe realizing there is no future here. I really don't think there is anything you can do for this woman. Start backing off. See if he notices or cares. If not, you have your answer.
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To give a different take on this, I think you are walking into a jail here. If BF's mother is controlling now, it will get worse if you marry and she is jealous (only too likely). At age 23, this is no way to start a long term relationship or a marriage. If mother cannot manage to live on her own with a reasonable level of support, from BF or carers, you should not be being burdened, let alone look at taking on the responsibility. She may live for another 40 or 50 years, if BF is much the same age as you. Perhaps you may eventually have to care for your own parents, and perhaps BF will be very supportive (and perhaps not, if this is all about his own mother), but you shouldn't get into this at 23.
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BlackHole Dec 27, 2018
Agree.
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Danni84, whenever there is a parent living at home who needs caregiving, they ARE the #1 priority. That Mom is lucky to have a son who cares for her well being and safety. And apparently he doesn't mind helping her.

I see from your profile that you are 23 years old, still very young. If your parents are still around, some day it will be your turn to make sure they are being cared for. So, if you are still with your boyfriend, you will know that he fully understands what you are going through, and will jump in to help.

Ask your boyfriend if there is anything you can do for his Mom. I bet once you get to know her, the arguments will settle down.
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