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My mother has always shown favoritism towards my brother. Then it was to his son, and finally his grand-daughter. I had learned to except this and still maintain a very good, trusting relationship in my adult years. My step father whom I was very close to passed away recently, and my mother became very very depressed. I was her confidant with all things emotionally and financially in my adult years. I was that come to person for every thing. I had finally in adult hood gain that long yearning relationship with her that I didn't have as a child. But when my step-father passed, again I was the only one that stepped up to help her. I do live a fairly distant drive from her and unable to be there for every thing she needs on a spur of the moment, like taking her every where she want when she wants. My brother is there to do and can fill that void. But the problem that has risen, my brother's son's live in girlfriend has also stepped upto help over the last couple of years, and I was so grateful for her help, but now after the recent loss of my step-dad she has been making comments and what ever else to have gotten my mother to completely turn on me. My mother talks horribly to me, and takes her side for everything. It's if she doesn't trust me, and plots with her behind my back. I would love to get my mother help for her depression but she now thinks I am wanting to hurt her for what ever reason I don't know and know it would just put more stress on a stressful relationship. I have no clue why she has turned on me and now hurts me with every word that comes out of her mouth any time I don't agree with what the girlfriend is doing. The question I have is do I step away and let this woman( grandson's girlfriend) take over and stop allowing my mother to hurt me any more with her abusive words and actions, or I'm at a lost. Please help. Also now a lot of things have come up about a will for my mother by the girlfriend and nephew( my brother's son). She again is partial to him and his daughter over the rest of the grandkids. I'm hurt depressed and at a loss for what's best for my mother's well being and also my well being. Please help. If I say anything it only makes thing worse. Hurting, and I don't know why this is happening. I've lost my mother's friendship, my mother's love, and I have no ideal why.

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Dear Hurt,
Your error was in discussing your mother at all with the gf. imo.

The relationship is between you and your Mom. Always be there for your Mom, make as many visits as possible. Keep an eye out, keep access to her open.
Don't discuss her with anyone, don't listen to anyone-it is probably not true.
Depend on what you can actually see with your own eyes.
Proceed as if you are your mother's daughter and have been her friend and go to person all along.
If inheritance is brought up, tell Mom (and only Mom) that you prefer to be left out of the will if it comes between you and her getting along, loving each other, or if the will is used for fear, obligation or guilt.

That will be a hard task, and if you can accomplish anything close, your feelings may still get hurt. That is the time to realize it is probably the illness, not her talking.

Be at peace with whatever you decide. Are you invited over for the holiday, or is Mom coming to your house?
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On the will discussion she came back at me telling me if I don't drop it she will be obliged to leave my nephew everything.
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also she was and had been able to make decisions on her own. But I feel if I try to force her into any decisions she's against it will make matters worse.
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My mom is 79, has always been very independent, lives at home. Handles all her own bills. I know the G-friend does influence her in a lot of ways, but my mother has never turned on me until now when she is so depressed over my stepdads death. I discussed the issue of why the GF was asking my sister and myself about her needing a will(which I thought was none of her business) but explained that I had discussed it with my mother several times but to no avail would she do it. I brought this up to my mother about the GF's inquires and she actually has turned on me for being concerned with the GF's motives.
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Could this be driven by the fact that this girlfriend person is local and spends more time with mom than you? There's an old saying about "she's as smart as the last person she talked to". If this gf is playing games and has some greed motive she's may be in a good position to gain favor.

How old is mom? Could there be something going on besides depression? The beginnings of some dementia? Does mom still control her money? Does someone have poa?
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