friend is the stepdaughter who takes care of stepfather needs a higher level of care he can't cook for himself he barely can make it to the bathroom he never sleeps in his bed and he calls her 24/7 to tell her he wants to take a Tylenol or my pants are on backwards I am a companion helper and I see that he can't live alone. how do I convince her that he needs a higher level of care when he says she would never do that to him but he needs it. He said she promised never put him in a nursing home but he needs more care I think she knows it she just can't pull that trigger to talk to him about it what do we do?
You can NEVER convince ANYONE of ANYTHING. Stop trying.
When this person ladles all the "complaints" on to your plate simply reply "I really think he needs now to be in the care of a facility that has several shifts of folk with several people on each shift to keep him safe and happy, and to return your life to you".
Promises of this type are beyond silly. They are ridiculous. No one can make promises about the future. They are made to be broken. But people will thrown themselves bodily onto burning funeral pyres no matter how slow the burn is. You can't change that. It's about who they are, basic to themselves. They are adults. With their own choices for their own lives.
Take over sandwiches, take them out to lunch. Try to make life a tiny bit happier for them, and leave the advice out of it. Unless asked. Then say your truth once, and let it be.
She expected me to do it. I said nope. Of course aunt is still home. Cousin got help coming in, but I do not know how well that is going.
I would step back. Those who don't wish to put them in a facility, let them take it all on. Don't drag me in the fire.