Follow
Share

friend is the stepdaughter who takes care of stepfather needs a higher level of care he can't cook for himself he barely can make it to the bathroom he never sleeps in his bed and he calls her 24/7 to tell her he wants to take a Tylenol or my pants are on backwards I am a companion helper and I see that he can't live alone. how do I convince her that he needs a higher level of care when he says she would never do that to him but he needs it. He said she promised never put him in a nursing home but he needs more care I think she knows it she just can't pull that trigger to talk to him about it what do we do?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
My advice always the same in these questions.
You can NEVER convince ANYONE of ANYTHING. Stop trying.
When this person ladles all the "complaints" on to your plate simply reply "I really think he needs now to be in the care of a facility that has several shifts of folk with several people on each shift to keep him safe and happy, and to return your life to you".

Promises of this type are beyond silly. They are ridiculous. No one can make promises about the future. They are made to be broken. But people will thrown themselves bodily onto burning funeral pyres no matter how slow the burn is. You can't change that. It's about who they are, basic to themselves. They are adults. With their own choices for their own lives.
Take over sandwiches, take them out to lunch. Try to make life a tiny bit happier for them, and leave the advice out of it. Unless asked. Then say your truth once, and let it be.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

All you can do is tell her once. It probably will take something serious o open her eyes.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Ha! My cousin was this way but instead of doing the caregiving herself, she thought it should be me. She was adamant, "We don't want to put aunt in a nursing home. We don't want her to think we've forgotten about her."
She expected me to do it. I said nope. Of course aunt is still home. Cousin got help coming in, but I do not know how well that is going.
I would step back. Those who don't wish to put them in a facility, let them take it all on. Don't drag me in the fire.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Are you getting paid to be a companion helper? If not, I would not enable this situation by helping her for free. If you are getting paid, I hope it's the "going rate" and you're not giving her a "good deal" because again, this is enabling and just delaying the inevitable. If you are getting paid, I hope the money is coming out of the stepdad's funds and not your friends. If you already know "she would never do that to him" [put him in a facility] then there's nothing you can do or say to change her mind. She will need to actually go through the pain and suffering in store for her. Hopefully she'll figure it out before it completely ruins her life. Maybe go up in the main navigation menu under Resources > Caregiving Topics > Burnout. Have her read some of the posts from now very desperate and very depressed adult children who wanted to carry out the promise they naively made to their LO to never put them in a facility. Often the elder doesn't really understand what they are asking: for their family caregiver to sacrifice their mental, emotional, physical and financial health when there are other care options.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

When someone is in denial, and in a caregiver fog, it's next to impossible to get through to them. Waytomisery is right.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Call APS and/or the County Agency of Aging . Let them convince your friend if they feel he can’t live alone. Ask them to keep your name out of a report .
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter