I read your profile. Since SIL is financial POA she should be doing her parents finances, not you. You really have no control to be able to talk to people for him. She does and she needs to be tending to it.
Its nice that some of the grands are willing to help but, you are just enabling/disabling you in-laws. If they have the money, they would do so much better in an AL. FIL will only get worse. In an AL they have help and meals.
First question is: Have you already tried to de-clutter with her and are met with resistance? If so, then I agree that a 3rd party person may defuse the emotion in making changes. You could even have a friend "pose" as a declutter expert, and you just coach her/him prior to arriving as to what to say and suggest to move.
Seniors are reticent to make changes for a variety of reasons, some reasonable and understandable, and some totally irrational (like Tothill's dad). Some may not be full-on hoarders but are sliding in that direction, which is extremely common in the elderly.
One thing to keep in mind is that elders move at a much slower pace (both physically and mentally) so they can take longer to decide on or process changes. Best not to "swoop in" and do things quickly as that will surely meet resistance.
I recently had some success with my 102-yr old aunt who uses a walker full-time in her tiny and cluttered FL home. I suggested to her that we really needed to create wider walk paths for her walker and her sister's wheelchair. This required throwing out an upholstered chair (that was torn to shreds by their cat) that stuck part-way into the walk path. We relocated a bookshelf from a narrow hallway, and rearranged furniture. I think it's more acceptable if things aren't being discarded, but rather relocated. Another strategy is to move the car out of their garage and "stage" items on a clean tarp while it is decided where they can go if brought back in. Often the elder will no longer miss the item that is in the garage because it's out of sight. This makes it easier to part with. She also had scads of vases from floral arrangements. I put them all on her table and we discussed how she could certainly keep 1 of each size but not all of them. The rest were donated. FYI things are always designated as "donated" until they're not -- it's easier for them to accept this over being thrown out. My aunt often went poking around in the garage at night after I'd left just to make sure her things were still there. Sigh. We did make progress, though. Hope you have success in seniorizing her home.
Your profile talks about the situation with your in-laws, is this the Mum who has clutter, or is it your mother?
Many seniors are very attached to their stuff. My Dad is a hoarder and takes it to an extreme.
Sometimes it is easier to have an outsider come in to tell them what needs to be done. They will still kick up a fuss when their stuff is moved, but it takes some of the pressure off you.
To give you an idea of how my Dad thinks... Dad is a fall risk, there is far too much furniture and piles of stuff in his house. He thinks he will use the furniture to help him back up when he falls. He does not consider that there is more stuff for him to hit his head on when he falls.
Yet 20 years ago, Dad put in grab rails and bars all over the place as he had heard that falls were lead to the deaths of many seniors.
Its nice that some of the grands are willing to help but, you are just enabling/disabling you in-laws. If they have the money, they would do so much better in an AL. FIL will only get worse. In an AL they have help and meals.
Seniors are reticent to make changes for a variety of reasons, some reasonable and understandable, and some totally irrational (like Tothill's dad). Some may not be full-on hoarders but are sliding in that direction, which is extremely common in the elderly.
One thing to keep in mind is that elders move at a much slower pace (both physically and mentally) so they can take longer to decide on or process changes. Best not to "swoop in" and do things quickly as that will surely meet resistance.
I recently had some success with my 102-yr old aunt who uses a walker full-time in her tiny and cluttered FL home. I suggested to her that we really needed to create wider walk paths for her walker and her sister's wheelchair. This required throwing out an upholstered chair (that was torn to shreds by their cat) that stuck part-way into the walk path. We relocated a bookshelf from a narrow hallway, and rearranged furniture. I think it's more acceptable if things aren't being discarded, but rather relocated. Another strategy is to move the car out of their garage and "stage" items on a clean tarp while it is decided where they can go if brought back in. Often the elder will no longer miss the item that is in the garage because it's out of sight. This makes it easier to part with. She also had scads of vases from floral arrangements. I put them all on her table and we discussed how she could certainly keep 1 of each size but not all of them. The rest were donated. FYI things are always designated as "donated" until they're not -- it's easier for them to accept this over being thrown out. My aunt often went poking around in the garage at night after I'd left just to make sure her things were still there. Sigh. We did make progress, though. Hope you have success in seniorizing her home.
Many seniors are very attached to their stuff. My Dad is a hoarder and takes it to an extreme.
Sometimes it is easier to have an outsider come in to tell them what needs to be done. They will still kick up a fuss when their stuff is moved, but it takes some of the pressure off you.
To give you an idea of how my Dad thinks... Dad is a fall risk, there is far too much furniture and piles of stuff in his house. He thinks he will use the furniture to help him back up when he falls. He does not consider that there is more stuff for him to hit his head on when he falls.
Yet 20 years ago, Dad put in grab rails and bars all over the place as he had heard that falls were lead to the deaths of many seniors.