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I’ve taken care of his parents who have both passed. I’ve welcomed and took him into my own home. 3yrs later. (Current) he’s been getting verbally nasty with my children. Last week he grabbed my little 5yr old girl by the arm and yelled in her ear because “her voice is too loud”. I called the police made a report. I rent a room to him. I'm also his in-home supportive service IHAA provider. I'm his representative. A day ago he swung a cane at my family member, he started yelling. I was called downstairs to help my family as soon as I come down client calls me a few nasty words and reaches for my neck and yes chokes me. I did my best to defend myself all while my brother was trying to get him off me . My kids are traumatized from last week especially from a day ago. I feel stuck. I called police made a report The ambulance took him to hospital because he’s disabled and dont think jail is the right place for him because of a stroke. From 20+ years ago? Idk if he’d be checked in for 5150. I call the hospital to speak with him because he hasn’t anyone else. I don’t know how to go about any of this situation.


I’ve read countless articles and am having a hard time to find help in my defense as everything is related to and for elder getting abuse. The thing is I and my family are being abused. Not the other way. Help! Open to all suggestions

He needs to be placed. You cannot endanger your family. You will tell Social Services TODAY that they must find placement for him and he cannot return to your home. You may visit him there if you wish.
Do not be sucked in by their platitudes of they can provide help and you can "make this work" together. They won't and you can't.
Placement is now the only answer.
I would resign as "Representative" whatever that is, as well. And you will of course now not be getting his rental or his caregiver stipend if that is being paid to you.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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I think your problem is already solved. Tell the hospital that he is not your family member, you cannot take him to your home because he poses a threat to your family which includes minor children. I agree. The law is necessarily tilted in favor of the elderly person and against any care giver. But in this situation, you now have the upper hand. Quite honestly, I'm surprised your family has tolerated this.
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Reply to Kathy4177
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All you have to do if he's admitted in to a Hospital, is refuse to allow him to return to your home.

Just tell all concerned that you are no longer able to care for him.

Im sure they will keep asking to discharge him to you but DO NOT SIGN ! Tell all that you can not have him live with you and they must find a place for him.

They will find a Nursing Home to release him to.
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Reply to bevthegreat
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To get around the fact that you rent him a room, ask for a restraining order against him, that way you have the right to refuse to take him back. tell the hospital that you will not take him back and file for eviction. You need to protect your family!
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Reply to CindyK53
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Why in God's name are you allowing someone with this obnoxious and cruel behavior to attack and harm you and your family? Is there another reason we don't know? You have gone above and beyond and you owe him nothing - he is getting violent and dangerous. You HAVE NO CHOICE. Get help from the proper authorities - you cannot do it and don't have to do it. He must be removed from your home at once. You are in danger.
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Reply to Riley2166
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He is out of her house......no need to keep calling the cops. No need to contact social services. He’s in the hispital so try to make him their problem. The hospital has social workers, work with them to get him placed.
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Reply to worriedinCali
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Dexieboy Aug 17, 2019
Great reply!
(2)
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You must be the gold medal winner when it comes to "no good deed goes unpunished."

Your intentions were admirable, and you've given this man a good three years of highest quality, family based care. I'm just sorry it went so horribly wrong for you, and I hope eventually there will be an explanation of what happened to him, medically or psychologically, to alter his behaviour as it did.

But enough! The hospital will stabilise him, but do not take him back into your own home. Contact whichever social services office deals with his support, explain what has happened, and hand him back: there are systems to take care of people who have no support network of their own. You just can't give him a second chance around your kids.
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Reply to Countrymouse
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Until he is out of your house I would continue to call the cops so that there is a record of his abuse. If you explain the ongoing issue, the cops may be able to have the medics take him in for a psych eval and then absolutely refuse to take him back into your home (which will be tricky since that is where he lives). Also maybe take video, which may be harder in the moment. As well as following what AlvaDeer suggests, you may want to make extra sure he doesn't come back by filing for eviction proceedings, which takes effect in 30 days (here in MN, so not sure how what the process is in your state). Wishing you safety and resolution!
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Reply to Geaton777
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Well, I'm glad you called the police and filed a report.

Stop calling to check on him.

Google landlord laws in your state. Someone who is only renting a room in an owner occupied house is a lodger, not a tenant. Find out about evicting a lodger, which is usually easier than a tenant eviction.

Consider posting a question on a landlord message board (Biggerpockets, mrlandlord.com, etc.) about getting him out. Personally, I would consult a real estate attorney for confirmation, but those landlords know their stuff, and message boards allow more experienced landlords to correct the less experienced people so you should get the right answer.

Surely, SURELY there are exceptions to usual notice periods when a lodger assaults someone living in the house, particularly if that someone is a child.

(And, for the record, I wouldn't care at all if he just had a UTI and that was his excuse for bad behavior. Someone who puts his hands on my child -- or me, for that matter -- has forfeited his right to remain happily in my home.)
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Reply to TXGirl82
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Dexieboy Aug 17, 2019
NOBODY puts their hands on my children either. No excuses.
(4)
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He MUST leave your home immediately and never return. “Divorce” yourself from him in every way. Is it possible to turn him over to social services to resume his care? You mentioned he has no one except for you, but aren’t social workers assigned to individuals to help them? I wish you the best outcome for everyone...without guilt. Sending love.
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