My grandmother is 92 and in a nursing home. She has no living children and I am the only grandchild willing to be active in her care.
She has become increasingly demanding of me. She has the nursing home staff call me constantly, demanding that I come oversee her care (She has bronchitis. Her vitals are good. She’s just uncomfortable. )
I don’t know what to say to her. I feel that she is manipulating me but don’t want to be dismissive of her.
I work full time and am very involved with me kids and grandkids.
Please give experiences and advice if you can. Thank you in advance.

Find Care & Housing
Set limits for your grandma. Write on a calendar for her the dates and times you plan to visit (how ever often YOU choose) and stick to it. Don’t let her manipulate you. She doesn’t need to know every detail of every day or work schedule either. You cannot be at her beck and call at all times and expect to keep your job or manage your own family life. If her mind is still intact she will understand this.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to WilliMartin

I agree, you need to have a meeting with the Director of Nursing. Tell her that you work f/t and you can't have calls at work. That you will visit when you can but in between could the staff please to deal with Grandmom. Emergency calls only. If this is new to Grandmom, she needs to adjust and you being there all the time will not help her do so.

Grandma is scared and lonely. But she needs to realize that u have a busy life. That she will need to get involved in the activities at the NH.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to JoAnn29

She is feeling needy and helpless. You have a life and you must make clear that your time for coming is limited. Must make this clear to the facility as well. You do not have the time to do it all. And it may never be enough. The needs and the wants are not altogether realistic; you know that. You will have to take control of it at some point and do it gently, apologetically, telling her that you love her and wish you had all the time in the world for a job you love, a family you love, and a grandma you love, but that you are only one person, and you do not. Give a hug, and move on. You are doing GREAT. Just know that. When you apply for Sainthood we will shoot you full of arrows, watch you die, and pray to you for eternity to take care of all OUR problems. Until then , carry on, being a human being with limitations, just like we ALL are.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to AlvaDeer

Gina, when she calls just give her assurances that you are on top of it. Brief conversation. If she's calling you during work hours you are not obligated to answer. Your family has priority. It is a loving thing that you are attempting. But you must understand that for some things, there are just no perfect, or even good, solutions. At this point she is receiving care and someone who loves her is managing it. That's more than many people have. She'll be ok. May you gain peace in your heart over this. Bless you.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Geaton777
Gina74 Mar 1, 2020
Thank you. Maybe I just need reassurance that I am not messing this up. I appreciate you taking the time to be kind.
The nursing home is getting paid to care for her, they are the ones who should be running interference for you and reassuring her. Ask for a care plan meeting and make it plain that you can not be on call whenever there is an issue, hopefully they will work with you on this.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to cwillie
Gina74 Mar 1, 2020
Thank you. That is good advice. I just worry about her...
See 1 more reply
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter