My father is a proud man and a war veteran. He has frequent accidents. We are all afraid of crushing his pride, but he really needs to wear adult diapers now. How Do I ask him tactfully?
I call them " underwear" never ever diapers, and I started with the Depends for men that look like briefs. They are grey, are patterned with stripes, and feel soft. Now these are expensive so those are the ones he will wear to dr appts or for outings. at home, Depends for men in plain white. Also, I got rid of all his regulAr undies and unpack the bag in his drawer so no embarrassing diaper bags.
PULLUPS - The Depends-brand product is really designed for a bedridden totally incontinent person. They are huge and hard to pull up and wear clothes over. Try these pullup-style products instead.
Tell you dad these are new-fangled combat "fatigues." The less discussion the better, just implement it. He'll adapt, he hates the smell, damp feeling too.
Just imagine if someone wanted to initiate a deep conversation with you about your pee problem and get into the details - run run away.
I took all of my moms underwear out of her drawer and replaced them with the Depends. They look enough like underwear. Nothing was said about it, I think she was so glad to not have me constantly changing her clothes that all went well. She didn't say anything and I didn't say anything. We both knew but it was understood it wasn't something we talked about............keep smilin'.....................Good luck..........Pyllis
My father is 88 years old and has had to use protective undergarments such as Depends due to urinary incotinence for a few years now. When he started having "accidents" and his Urologist was no help, I took him to Walmart and showed him the variety of incotinence products available. I asked him if he would be willing to try them to see if it would be of help to him. He was annoyed until I simply said he certainly is not alone in his problem or there would not be so many products for that purpose in one store. He tried a brand and has worn them ever since without complaints. he realizes his problem and has adapted. Point out that he is not alone in his problem and it is nothing to be embarrased about and that you will help as much as possible. I just call what he wears his "undergarment" and that way it does not have the stigma of the word "diaper".
Mom wears the disposable underwear too. We also put pads in as well, since she tends to leak. I found a brand in Walmart that is much better than the new line of dependable ones( not sure if we can us brand names here) , and they are less money. You can go to Costco too and buy them in bulk sizes, but we like the other brand better.
Recently my father, who is also a war vet and is 83, started to have an incontenince problem. I also work as a nurse in a nursing home and the men and women are very prideful people. We call them adult briefs and most wear the type that can be pulled up like a regular pair of underwear. No one needs to know what is under his clothes so if he needs to he can go to the bathroom and pull them down in front like regular underwear. Explain that it will keep him dryer and he will avoid most smells associated with the urine. It will also help to avoid any irritations that might arise but make sure you assure him that only he and you will know what he is wearing. Barb
yes, I agree don't call them diapers I called them underwear and that seemed to work well with Dad and my mother In law when I took care of her. and because of dads hip I had to use the ones that didn't pull up so I wouldn't hurt his incision but I fixed the other side like it was pants and than attached the hip side and told him they made them just for persons with broken hips until the incision healed so it wouldn't get irritated. You can always find a way to explain it to their advantage made especially for them. That seems to ease the embarrasement a bit.
call them disposal briefs, never diapers, agree with him they are darned awful, but to keep him from being embarassed they are necessary, you hate them to and isn't it awful getting old, but heck well all do it. Try to get pullup disposable briefs if your father is in a condition to wear them.
most men are too proud to admit they need some advise in this area. i think neon has some good advise [above]. just take over with little discussion and get something for him. my thoughts are to start with some depends shields--just in case--tell him. then when he realizes that it kept accidents a secret, he'll be more accepting of the protection. then you can move up to the depends pull ups.
i'd like to add a little secret that we always tried. for later on when needed, on longer days out or away, try sticking a [much cheaper and more absorbant] Huggie in the front croch area. THEN the brief over, very snug. this will keep him dry for most of the day. it works great, of course if he isn't active. it also works better for overnite. good luck to you. sooz
If your dad is aware of his problem, suggest to him that you need his help and you are going to buy him some new underwear until you can get the problem fixed. My dad died two years ago and had multiple problems he was so embarrassed the first time I cleaned his hind parts but said it felt so good because my mother didn't want to be bothered taking care of him. I washed him and lotioned him and used depends to help keep him dry also I used a product from the hospital that created a barrier between the wetness and skin. something like a diaper rash product I might still have some at home and I will check and give you the name. A pharmacist ought to be able to recommend something suitable. If you're dad is anything like mine and hates to be taken care of he will agree. I really didn't ask my dad I just kinda took over and did it. He seemed to be fine with it and did not give me any repercussions about it but he had a broken hip than had to have it removed because of MRSA and than had a stroke and died a week later sounds quick but this was a four month problem and he had to have a IV every morning for six weeks so I learned how to do that as well each morning before work or week ends or church but he was a good patient unlike my mother who now lives with me and well that's another story. LOL Good luck
Tell you dad these are new-fangled combat "fatigues." The less discussion the better, just implement it. He'll adapt, he hates the smell, damp feeling too.
Just imagine if someone wanted to initiate a deep conversation with you about your pee problem and get into the details - run run away.
Barb
Carol
Carol
i'd like to add a little secret that we always tried. for later on when needed, on longer days out or away, try sticking a [much cheaper and more absorbant] Huggie in the front croch area. THEN the brief over, very snug. this will keep him dry for most of the day. it works great, of course if he isn't active. it also works better for overnite. good luck to you. sooz