I need to share this background info w/you.
15 years ago, my mother and my siblings (there are four of us) had a meeting about her coming years and how she should spend them. 2 of the children voted she needed to begin getting ready to move in w/1 of us while the oldest 2 asked my mom what she wanted and she said she wanted to live independently. So, she lived independently. My mom had been living independently until Dec. ’18, at which time, she had a fall and since then she has been hospitalized about 6x in ‘19. Her ailments are arthritis and lumbar stenosis. Her arthritis flares up according to the weather. Her ‘19 hospitalizations were due to having a severe case of sciatica. Prior to the sciatica, she broke her right rib and instead of her children (who live in the same state as she does) offering her to take her home w/them until it healed, they simply took her home w/out no nighttime help. While I was not there, my prediction is she was having difficulty moving around and getting in/out of bed, which aggravated her lumbar stenosis. Following her sciatica, she went to stay w/my younger sister who although my mom lived with her wasn’t really caring for her and she would buy her fast foods while I (from long-distance) was sending lists of foods she needed for her arthritis. The fast foods cause my mom to get eColi and sepsis so she had to spent 2 months in the hospital. For every time my mom was hospitalized, I would travel to her state and stay anywhere from 10 days to a month. While I was at the hospital with her all 6 times, I would say I saw my siblings maybe 3-4 times and never saw my oldest sister. During her last hospital stay, my 3 siblings called me and said they were placing my mom in a nursing home but she did NOT want to go. I couldn’t bring her back 2 my home as she had 21 days remaining for the antibiotics, which were being administered via a pic. So, my niece who my mom raised because my sister was too busy gallivanting in her youth took my mom in but she wasn’t as truthful as she should have been of her living situation. Not knowing her dire financial situation, my mom stayed with her as long as she could with COVID now being present and as soon as some things opened she was able 2 move but not that far from where my niece lives (I can (literally) throw a rock at her window with no effort). In fact, she walks her dog every day (2xs) and passes in front of my mom’s front window.
So, I’ve been here with my mom for the past 4 mths and it’s getting very difficult 2 continue at this pace w/out any help from anyone (mind you - we are having problems getting a consistent care provider to come in daily to help her and assist w/light household chores).
I’ve asked my mom to call her children to assist but she is hurt on how things transpired during her illnesses and hospitalizations. I see her heart is broken as she held my brother at such high regard and he is no where to be found. They all used my mom and now that she is in need of care - no one but me is here. My brother has a 5 bedroom, 4 bath home...he and his wife are empty nesters. My youngest sister also has a home and her and her husband are empty nesters while my oldest sister is raising her grandchildren because her daughters are not responsible enough to care for them, themselves.
I’ve offered and offered and offered 2 take my mom back home with me but I live up N and she lives in the SW where temps reach to 114 degrees in the summer and she’s comfortable with that due to her arthritis.
So, how do I approach my siblings? Do I keep talking w/my mom and tell her it’s up to her to do it? Do I just force her to go up N w/me but what about her mental wellness and arthritis if I do that?
Seriously, I don’t want to contact them. I’m angry of how they haven’t even attempted to seek out how my mom is! They’ve abandoned her! They all have my number, they know where she lives, why not call the police for a well check...but have they?...NO!