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My brother will not answer his phone or texts. The hospital has tried to get in contact with him but he does not respond. Because of Covid-19 the hospital is in lock down. No one can visit but she can use a phone for incoming calls only. My brother will not call her as "she does not sound like herself". He has threatened staff as they will not let him in to visit, but he only tried once. Mom has been in the hospital for 2 months. Since the hospital has not been able to contact him to tell him I feel I need to but he will not answer his phone or text message. I know he will blame me but he does not comprehend the situation. He does not even believe that that the Covid-19 even exists. He has been diagnosed with Bio Polar and PTSD. I have asked for a Public Trustee as money was going missing and neglect. He will not contact the PT either or acknowledge mail.

There is nothing you can do here. You have tried. Your facility has tried. That is what is required of you. It is time now to back away, withdraw from this person. If you wish to avoid any repercussions in future, accusations that you made no attempt to contact him, act with her facility to send a registered letter telling your brother where your mother is living now for comfort care. That will avoid his saying you made to attempt to tell him in the future.
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Butterfly72 May 5, 2020
Thank you. Everything is documented and the Public Trustee is now involved. It now becomes a waiting game.
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I think you would be best advised to leave your brother alone. Ask the hospital to continue to leave messages for him, and hope that he will respond.

If you persist in trying to contact him it will look like a sh*t-stirring exercise; and he'll blame you anyway, whatever you do. Just leave him be.
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dlpandjep May 1, 2020
I just love this forum! 😁
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Stay put of it. He has made his decision and you need to protect yourself.
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Butterfly72 May 5, 2020
Thank You
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Have you tried sending Certified Mail-Return Receipt? Your receipt is guarantee he received it. Make a copy and keep records. Sounds like you've done all you can to inform him. Do you know of a friend of his who might tell him for you? Sounds like he's in desperate need of therapy. Is he a Veteran? If so, you could contact the VA with your concerns. Once you've done all you can, please try not to worry - concentrate on your mom. Hugs to you. 🤍🤍
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Butterfly72 May 2, 2020
I do have a friend of the family who works with people with challenges. He has offered to go visit my brother and try to help him realize what is going on. My brother is almost 60 years old. Brother lost his cell phone again so there absolutely no way to contact him. Any mail that is sent has been registered and will continue to be sent registered with return receipt. Once the apartment has been emptied and the locks changed this part will be over. I talk to mom several times a day but she is unable to have a conversation any longer. I just hope that I am doing everything in my power to give my mom some peace.
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Document everything in writing. Send letters via Certified Mail-Return Receipt - where he must sign for the letter.

His mental illness may be responsible for his behavior - but it does not "excuse" it. However, you still need the documentation to protect yourself for the future legal battle that I see forthcoming.
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Butterfly72 May 5, 2020
I have documented every thing for at least the last 4 years. I have a daily log of when he went to help her or not, if he brought her food or not. He needs help and my mom used to ask me to look after him when she was gone as she said he needed help. I told mom that he would not accept help from me nor did I have the financial ability to care for him. Mom seemed okay with my answer at that time. Now she asks me to find someone that can help him. Mom does not need this stress right now.
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Why work so hard to tell him anything he refuses to hear? Does he call you to rant and rave or you are to just frustrated with trying to call him? If you are the one dealing with your mother's care, does it matter if your brother is not involved? If he calls you to argue there is no COVID19 or say the hospital people are idiots, don't argue with him, just hang up.
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Butterfly72 May 5, 2020
He rants and argues and is in complete denial. Yesterday the nurse tried to explain the situation with mom but he said "she is a strong woman" The nurse called me to let me know. He had phoned the nurse wanting to take mom home.
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I wouldn't worry about it. Let the PT continue to contact him. When they can't they may be able to override his POA for neglect.

So sorry Mom has been put on comfort care.
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Butterfly72 May 5, 2020
The POA has been revoked! He had wanted the DNR withdrawn as well as the comfort care. Now mom can be at peace.
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If he Cared, He would Answer you. HE KNOWS.
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Grandma1954 May 5, 2020
This man has a broken brain, mentally ill, so I really do not think he can be 100% responsible for his actions.
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He's cut himself off. So you can't. Don't feel guilt and if he's abusive just don't. You can't tell him if he won't let you. And since he's cut her off too then why even bother? If he contacts you, you can call him them.

My x-sister in law cut me off so I had to tell her via e-mail her mother had passed. Not the best way to give the news. But not my fault and I refused to feel guilt over it.
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Sending a certified letter, getting confirmation that he received the letter is the way to go. BUT he may never sign for the letter. He may refuse to sign for it.
This is part of his broken brain. (Bi Polar and PTSD) so in some respects he can not be "blamed" for this anymore than a person with Dementia can be blamed for their behavior.
If you know of a friend of his that he trusts I would contact them and ask them to relay the message.
If he is a Veteran does he have a contact at the VA that might help in this situation?
Just knowing that you have done what you could to connect him and your mom is all that you can do. You have tried, Hospital has tried.
To quote my Grandma..you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. In other words you have given him every opportunity to contact mom yet he either can't or won't
Can't and Won't are two important things.
If he Can't it may be because he can not admit that his mom is dying and when that happens he will have lost a very important connection in his life.
If he Won't it may be because he does not realize how serious this is, his broken brain won't accept the fact that this is real.
As much as he might not admit this he may very well need you emotionally when your mom dies. This may send him into a tailspin.
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Maryjann May 5, 2020
Maybe just receipt of delivery. At least you will have that proof that you tried.
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