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She lives with us. I need to get her in a daycare setting as I have to go back to work. She gets less than 1,000.00 a month on social security. I take care of her 24/7. She is reasonably healthy, but gets forgetful. Our financial situation changed and I need to help my husband finacially. My mom can't cook for herself or be trusted taking her meds unsupervised. An adult daycare setting would be perfect. Any suggestions greatly appreciated. My sister gave me a break but passed away two years ago so I am it alone. It does take its toll especially when she wakes you up 5 am just to talk.

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Make sure she has no more than $2,000 in her account and assets -- home and car is exempt. You can spend down the money on the HOME improvement, pre-paid funeral, or a new car in her name.
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I wish my hub's aunt and uncle would go ahead and cash out their IRA and pre-pay their funerals, like my parents did, for lots of reasons, but one is that that counts then as an expenses off their income, which would help them to qualify for some assistance, haven't been able to quite figure out why they haven't been willing to do it, but not quite sure if their giving away is still within the last 5 yrs. either, possibly, including signing away their land. Agency on Aging just called and have been supposed to have called back but they haven't, at least not me.
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If you mom is poor you should have no problems getting her on Medicaid. None whatsoever.
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If she has been declining, try to get her doctor to put her on Hospice. It may also require you put her on "Do Not Resuscitate" status. If you have to ever hospitalize her -- and eventually you will for something especially at that age--a doctor can order all of these things in the hospital. You won't even have to bother with Medicaid.
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Thank you all for your advice. I called the local Office of the Aging and they are sending me paperwork for medicaid. To get her in the local adult day care near our home they said we would need medicaid otherwise it would be very expensive. Its a nursing home with an excellent reputation that offers this program. My mom at 94 loves to talk to people. She is very friendly.She doesn't like to be left alone so I could never think of leaving her home while I work. Its awesome not to think I am alone in this situation. Thank you everyone for taking the time to give suggestions. They are all very appreciated.
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I applied for Medicaid for my mom about 3 years ago. It took most of the summer asking for paperwork and then waiting for it, but I was able to get lots of the information on the phone with their bank, etc. The house your mom lives in is exempt until it is sold, as is the primary vehicle. My parents had to cash out an annuity and use if for pre-paid funeral expenses, but the funeral home director was very helpful in making sure that the paperwork was done correctly. The form did ask if my parents had given away anything of value over the past 5 years, but I just had to check no. We may have been lucky in that my parents didn't own anything of value in the first place! Yes, the agency on aging is a good resource and I got the e-mail of my mom's DHS case worker as soon as she was assigned one. Good luck!
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126Cher, Oh I get it. I know the mixed feelings about the one who is gone. I have them too. What a shame we women let these things happen to ourselves.
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Hi Nolagal, thanks for responding. What you explained is absolutely correct when it comes to Social Security. That I am not up-set over. She is now getting his Social Security check and not her own anymore because hers was lower than his. That is when the 10+comes into play with wives and ex-wives. Dad's pension with his company he signed away from her in 1987 when he retired. I remember them having a big fight over it when it happened. I remember him yelling at her to sign a form saying that she agreed to it which she finally signed in duress. I remember telling her not to sign but she did anyway to keep the peace. If she did not sign she would have the pension today. He would have gotten less money since 1987 if she did not sign. I have been worried about that since 1987. Well now the shit hits the fan so to speak.
Yes, ThereisNoTry you are also correct about not leaving survival benefits you get a lot more than leaving them. They were married for 64 years. My husband has left survival benefits to me and even thu my pension is very small I will leave it to him. Dad has done this kind of stuff to Mom for 64 years. That is why I am up set. I feel sorry he died the way he did but he left a mess behind.
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While Medicaid is a federal program it is administered by states which interpret its provisions. As a result every state has a little different results. If you want answers visit with an elder law attorney in your state. The process can be complicated and done incorrectly resulting in a denial or delay in benefits. You may want to start with lawyerswithpurpose
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YES - when you start distribution you define whether you want the pension to continue on to your dependents or to stop when you pass. You get a lot more with the former type of distribution.
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dentalstuff-- when my aunt came to live with me I did some checking. I found a day program that is open from 7:30a-5:30p. They offer full day for $43 and 4 hours for $28. It is located in a church. They are a memory care program and have the staff for that. My aunt can walk carefully on a walker, feed herself, but they go with her to bathroom even though she goes alone here. She LOVES it there. We can only afford for her to go one day a week (I'm retired) but that one day is heaven for me. I say this to say it's worth checking around! My aunt doesn't have alzheimers, just the dementia of a 95-year old but she qualified.
akdaughter-- can't you require the company to provide paperwork/proof?
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Nolagal, it depends on how the pension distributions were set up. When my dad died I was told that the pension payments ended because he chose to have it just pay out over his lifetime rather than take a reduced amount to have it also cover my mother's lifetime. Friends and relatives were quite surprised that he would have done it this way, but with no paperwork available (his pension payments had started almost 20 years earlier), there was nothing I could do to investigate. A valuable lesson in keeping paperwork, even through a couple of moves. It has nothing to do with being a community property state.
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Contact your local department of health and human services. If you know where a local office is you can usually go in and pick up an application. You can also apply online at: https://www.medicaid.gov. They will want to know a ton of information including financial and health. Good luck!
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126Cher. I don't understand when you say he didn't leave her his pension. Guess it depends on the state but if they were legally married for 10+ years then I think she can apply for it. I know some pensions, even the ex wives can apply if they were married at least 10 years. Then both the ex and the wife have to split it. Have you contacted his pension fund or his HR department at the job he retired from and checked on this yourself. If you live in a community property state then I am almost positive she is entitled to his pension. I would definitely investigate and see if there is some appeal process or something.
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This is a link to your local area of aging.. Call asap..

https://co.monmouth.nj.us/page.aspx?ID=170
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Hi Pamstegme, when you say records over 5 years does the checkbook bank statements count for common bills like electric and gas if it is listed. My parents would take out cash from their checkbook for the month and pay cash for all their meals out, gas, & anything else. Even a piece of candy. The amount monthly would be about $1050 dollars every month. They did this for years. How in the world do you account for that? Thanks in advance.
Dentastuff I believe that I am in the same situation as you. Need to get a job to help out with finances, because my husband is sick now, Dad died Nov. 2, 2015 without leaving Mom his pension. I am very up-set with him & leaving her with a little over $1000 dollars a month. She has dementia and can not cook for herself or remember anything. I could have written this post myself. So sorry for your situation.
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Contact your local social services office. Or the social worker @ the home
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I'd suggest as your first step to contact the Area on Aging in your region to see what day programs are set up & how structured & which are "needs based" for enrollment (so if " needs based" medicaid will pay if she qualifies so then you need yo do what Pam suggests & apply). Often day programs are 4 - 6 hr blocks centered around daily lunch which may or may not be the coverage needed.

In many areas the trend right now for day care is PACE. If PACE exists, it will be daily or 3days a week type of onsite program at a PACE center. It is a medicaid waiver program. The staff @ the AoA will know if they exist & what the waiting list is like. There is a PACE by us (the Benson Center) which has Catholic Charites as its nonprofit partner & has vans that pick up folks to take them to the Benson & they have waiting list. PACE wasn't around when my mom did day programs so she went to OASIS (more a series of classes over a few weeks) & 2 different faith based senior day programs that were the 5 hrs a day type & then she went back to her home totally on her own. AoA will have a list of whats what. Also Jewish Family Services - if in your city - will have senior day programs open to all at temple or JCC.

Is mom still able to do her ADLs? My experience is that day programs are skewed for the healthier elderly, that it's not age but ability that is the criteria.......they need to be able to still walk on their own (even if slow with cane or Hugo-style walker); be able to transition from being in a van to walking into a cafeteria or hall on their own; to be able tototally potty unaided. Be able to participate in whatever event or activity scheduled....like sit through a lecture or do arts & crafts or play cards, dominos. Be able to be social for 5-6 hrs. If mom doesn't fit this picture (& be realistic), then your going to have to think about either getting daily home health care or have her get into AL or NH where she can have the oversight she needs as you & hubs cannot be there 24/7. You may not want mom to be in a NH but if she flat needs 24/7 oversight & you need to work then the choices are AL (usually private pay) or a NH on Medicaid. Even if you are a late in life baby of your mom & in your 50's, there is only so much 24/7 you can do & have your own job.

At 94, if realistically mom is not totally good on ADLs, I'd try to work with her internist or gerontologist to do whatever to get her medical chart to show the need for skilled nursing care so that she can get from her MD the note or RX that skilled care needed so she can get into a NH that takes Medicaid. For us, mom moved from her home to IL for 3years in her mid 90's. Last year in IL, she became unable to do her medication management so needed to move. Took about 6 mos of regular visits to get moms chart to show the need for skilled nursing care. If her doc seems clueless in this quest, get mom to become a patient of a MD who is also a medical director of a NH. They will know how the chart needs to read to qualify medically "at need" for NH medicaid.
Good luck, it's a lot of decisions to be made.
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First dig up 5 years of financial records to apply for VA or Medicaid. You have to account for every penny. She cannot have given anything away such as money, cars, or property within 5 years.
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