How do family doctors effectively persuade a dementia patient to hand over the car keys and accept the fact that they cannot drive anymore?

I went through the same about a year ago. I was afraid to close my eyes when he was driving, there was no convincing him to give up driving. We went to our PCP, he suggested that he take a driver evaluation test. It includes some cognitive testing as well as driving. He failed on 3 counts, that ended his driving. We were also told should he get in an accident and he has already been diagnosed w Dementia - you can face a law suit for allowing him to drive knowing his thinking is impaired.
I hope he listens and takes the test.

A doctor does not have the ability to take away someone's keys. I feel their responsibility is to look his patient in the eye and tell them "you cannot drive anymore" and the reasons why. Then they send a letter to DMV telling them they feel his patients licence needs to be revolked. DH will get a letter requiring him to send DMV the licence.

I would think if the instructor feels DH should not be driving, he will take the licence right there and then. It may be up to you to take the keys and put them in a safe place.

Hello Connie C! Good luck with this! I'm pretty sure someone will be telling your husband he cannot drive and taking his license. I'm also pretty sure you are going to go thru some long hard moments over this. Since you are there with him, riding now, and living with him, you are going to hear about this. Probably long and hard.

Are you going to do the driving now? If so, you need to keep the keys with you all the time for a while. You will need to stand by the locked driver's side door and refuse to budge. Take him around to the passenger side with the remote in your hand , unlock the doors and if he bolts for the other side of the car, hit the lock remote and wait . Smile and ask if he's ready to be chauffeured, won't he enjoy looking out at the scenery, and "NO YOU ARE NOT DRIVING......I AM! If YOU don't want to ride, we're NOT GOING!" End of story, over and over again until he understands.

Stay strong and try to understand how he feels. If he's anything like my guy, and it sounds like he is, this is going to be a rough few months for both of you. I kept a vision in my head of kids I know, I didn't want them to meet my husband by accident! I didn't want him running down a mom with a stroller, an old lady with groceries! You get the idea. He's sure "he's okay" as apparently he has been driving that way for quite a while. He knows "it's everyone else", he knows you're "crazy" if you think he "can't drive"!

My heart goes out to you both, I myself dread the day I can't drive. It's such a loss of independence and happens quickly with dementia. Your patient can still do lots of things and will argue this constantly for a while. Bluntly, he's gonna be damn mad! I will be thinking about you, you can stand the onslaught! Don't kid yourself and give in, it just makes it harder the next time! Good luck, my thoughts and prayers are with you, as they are with every single caregiver trying to do this job we never asked for, never trained for, and never ever wanted in any close personal way.

I went through the same about a year ago. I was afraid to close my eyes when he was driving, there was no convincing him to give up driving. We went to our PCD - he suggested that he take a driver evaluation test. It includes some cognitive testing as well as driving. He failed on 3 counts, that ended his driving. We were also told should he get in an accident and he has already been diagnosed w Dementia - you can face a law suit for allowing him to drive knowing his thinking is impaired.
I hope he listens and takes the test.

I don't know if a doctor can effectively talk him out of it. They can say they are not fit to drive, and report them to the DMV. Getting him retested is a great idea, hopefully he can hear firsthand that he is not a safe driver, good driver, or should be a driver.

This is when I'm glad my mom was all, "Sell the car kids, I'm done," when the eye doctor said it wouldn't be a good idea for her to drive anymore. Of course that makes us chauffeur on occasion, but thankfully I've worked it out with her caregivers to tote her around when she needs to. And every once in a while we take a quick trip here and there.

When I hear things like this, as I commented before, I think of the George Weller incident. Google it if you aren't familiar. 86 year old man turning the wrong way, going 60 mph through a Farmer's Market. All he could say when he got out was, "Why didn't you get out of my way."

Thank you for getting him evaluated. He and you deserve the dignity, and above everything else, the safety.

This is such an issue. My father lost his license due to Alzheimer’s but we could not keep him out of his car. He had two cars and he refused to stop driving. Eventually he got in an accident right in front of his house (the other car was totally fine) and we were able to have his car towed to the shop and told him the car was totaled and that was that. Then we had the second car “stolen” out of the garage. No more cars.

Having gone through this myself I wrote to the Medical Board part of the DMV and asked them to evaluate my MIL. I gave SEVERAL specific instances, diagnoses, etc. They wrote her and reigned her in, and she was REQUIRED to take the written and driving test. She couldn't get past the written test. Our eldercare attorney also reminded us that if she is driving with a diagnosis of Alzheimers/ dementia , and we knew it, and she had a wreck, that a " greedy" attorney could not only go after her $$$ but go after our $$$ because we did not stop her from driving. They would subpoena medical records. You HAVE to do what it takes for the safety of everyone on the road. Driving is a priviledge not a right. What if she ran a stop sign and t- boned her daughter and killed her grandchildren? When you are dealing with Alzheimers/ dementia things happen. My MIL left the scene of an accident. I became the " bad person" but that's okay. Mom is safe and so are the streets. Her needs are met.

I literally just got home from a week with my mom and I finally have all 4 cars keys. I reported her to the DMV in July. Since I have the USPS mail app I could see the letter did come to her mailbox. Then I saw a 2nd one arrived. When I got there on Monday of this week, she finally got her mail (she has lost so many mailbox keys, I made 6 earlier this year). The mail was in there for at least a week when I looked at the mail dates. Anyway, hallelujah there was a letter from the DMV stating her license was suspended starting 9/12. I told her she must have ignored the previous letters and since she didn't respond, they suspended the license. I did call to find out about it and apparently she missed an interview as well, thankfully. I told her I would look into it....NOT. She thought she got a ticket that got her into trouble. And there were also 2 unpaid hospital co-pays. That said, when we left this morning to drive home, I had the 2 remaining keys with me. I can't tell you what a relief it is bc she was never going to give up the car. Unfortunately the car is still there but would cost her a fortune for a key and I reminded her that she is not allowed to drive. Last night she was in rare form and blurted out well at least I never killed anyone. I didn't even comment. I've been trying to figure out how to do this and her lack of responsiveness didn't for me. It's a tough one for sure. And her medical records has dementia on it.

I'm 84 and I voluntarily gave up my license 2 years ago. I noticed I had short term memory loss, had not yet gone to a neurology for tests, but knew with this kind of memory loss, I was an accident waiting to happen. I pictured myself not stopping for a red light, and barging into a car taking his/her right of way. It literally made me sick to think I could actually cause someone's death or badly be injured because I "forgot" I had the stop sign or red light. At that point I had NOT had any incidents that I forgot what to do. BUT, I thought of the day my memory would give out for a second and I would lamblast a car that took their right of way . I am just appalled that people wait till it is too late to think of "what if" and don't stop driving. I was literally petrified of losing my short term memory at a traffic light. I gave up that right on MY OWN, my family did not know I did that. I was diagnosed with short term memory loss a few months later. Take the license away from that person NOW before a family member gets sued for not taking care of their loved one before a tragedy happens.

You posted under Alzheimer's and Dementia so I am assuming that is the case. I assume also that you are the POA for your husband. He is apparently cooperative enough that he will show up for testing at the DMV?

The DMV test will be done. If your worst fears are borne out then he will likely lose his license. It will then, as JoAnn say, be up to you to disable or sell the car. Sorry you are facing this, but whether your eyes are closed or open in the car, your husband may well kill someone if he is an unsafe driver. My brother had to come to a severe accident for his full diagnosis to come to the fore, and luckily only he was hurt, not others.

No doctor is likely to whip away a license or even report, which is sad. I did experience once a case where an impaired (eyes) senior was asked by the doctor "Are you carrying your license" and replied he was. Doctor asked "May I see it" and my brother's ex handed it to him. He held on to it and said "You cannot drive. I am taking your license". I assume he turned it in to DMV? My brother's ex went to DMV to change license to senior ID, so SOMEthing sure happened. That was in CA. I have never otherwise heard of such an instance.