How do direct efforts to help my husband and I (ages 71) stay at home comfortably?

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2 adult children + their spouses see us as stuck in our ways, not willing to do things their way. Each wants us to change our routines to their "better way". After 51+ years married, we don't need change as much as just assistance emotionally,for my lung cancer survivor husband, and myself as chief caregiver, physically well, but tired. Give me a Break, without a time limit, such as 2 hours, etc. Just a few hours alone, just for Me!

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triedtired71, your screen name says it all, and that is why your children are suggesting "better ways" because they can see the forest for the trees.

My parents ignored all my concerns, especially the major fact that their large 3-story home was not elder friendly. But Mom dug in her heels, and she refused any outside help.

Your children and their spouses probably aren't helping because you are making the choice to continue not making any changes, thus you need to be responsible for the outcome of those choices.

If your grown children have children at home, 2 hours to help you would backlog their chores to a point where it would disrupt the household.

Oh, with my parents not taking any suggestions I had, Mom overworked herself, fell, and died 3 months later. If only my parents would have listened to me, and accepted Caregivers to come in to help them both.
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What is their " better way"?

If they are still working and their dad was in the hospital , it may have been very difficult for them to accompany you to visit a facility. There really does need to be compromise and understanding of the others' position in these situations.

I'm not sure I understand your request for someone to be with your husband "with no time limit"? How would that work? Have you looked into having home health care, either through medicare if that's available for a short period of time, or private pay? You can't do this full time caregiver thing without respite.
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You can ask your doctor to have a nurse and social work come to the home. Based on circumstance, it would be temporary usually once a week for a month or two and they will help.
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Thank you all for responding so quickly. I love the idea of listing their worries and changes for us on paper, as you said it will be a great starting place. My husband and I have addressed the dreaded discussion for future plans. While he was hospitalized, I went to two Independent living facilities, both connected to assisted living and nursing care step-downs if needed. Was unable to get either child to go with me, so I am addressing all these future events alone. Would like some support with this! These are the kind of help issues I am doing alone. Will & Trust all in order, as well as cremation services arranged for both of us. Just need some moral support, that's all.
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Sunny, I really like the idea of having the family write down their concerns. Making a list takes the emotion out of the equation, and if everyone puts enough thought into it it can be a great starting place to have that dreaded discussion about future planning.
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I'm not sure what is actually bothering you. Are your adult children suggesting things that they see as safety risks or health concerns? Are they valid concerns? I think that my parents resent me sometimes when I made suggestions, but I really do have their best interest at heart. For example, my mom has always loved her throw rugs in the house, but, since they are seniors, a trip on a rug could cause a broken hip. My mom finally agreed to do it. She brought it up and said it was time. I didn't pressure her, just mentioned it because one day I tripped on a rug!

I also tell my dad to not get on top of the roof to clean gutters. He's still active and has always done it, but I had to really get serious about this one. I also remind them to check with their doctor before taking any meds, even over the counter. I'm afraid, I may bother them too, but it is from a place of love.

There are plenty of things that I don't like, but I keep my lip zipped unless I think it's urgent.

Maybe, you could ask your adult children to write down what they want you to change so you can read it and take it into consideration. Then they can leave you in peace.
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I think each one of them could take you out to lunch once a week. That's not asking much. For myself, I hired a housekeeper once a week for two hours. I break out in a sweat just watching her and she is someone I can talk to.
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