How dependent are people of you?

1) My husband could not have lived alone. He would have accepted someone else's help if I weren't there.

2) My mother cannot live alone. She is accepting someone else's help, in a nursing home.

Thank you for your answer. May I ask about about your husband and mother's kind of conditions? Has someone else always taken care of your mother? If not, how was the change for her? Would you say that it depends on the condition the person has or more on the individual itself whether he or she is willing to accept somebody else's help?

Thank you very much!

My mother depends on me for 75% of the things around here. If I weren't here she would try to make it on her own, most likely, and pay people to help her with groceries and appointments. I don't know how it would work out. She would need to go into assisted living or a nursing home, but would fight against doing that until there was a catastrophe of some type.

Thank you very much JessieBelle! Could you tell me what kind of things your mother mostly depends on and what she can do on her own? Are this things like driving her around (like in my case) or is it more a psychological thing (That she just wants you to be there?)

Thx Jessie. Why do you think she wouldn't want to go into assisted living/nursing?

My husband had dementia (for ten years). He was not a reliable judge of what he could and could not safely do. I relied on my own observations and also input from his medical team. Everyone was in favor of him doing as much as he could for himself. But that becomes more and more limited as dementia progresses.

My husband very much wanted to stay at home, with me to care for him. I never promised him this, knowing where dementia could take him. But I always said, "I will also see to it you have the best care available. And if it ever happens that I cannot provide that here, I will find a good place that can. I will continue to spend lots of time with you, I will make sure you get good care, and I will advocate for you. I solemnly promise you that I will never abandon you, no matter where you are." As it turned out he was able to stay at home. He was very cooperative with having in-home care to help out.

My mother (95) has severe arthritis. She can no longer stand. She is a two-person transfer, using a mechanical device to lift her. She has dementia. My sisters and I did everything we could to extend the period she could stay in her apartment. She was OK with our help but resisted other help coming in. She lived with one of my sisters for about a year. As her condition deteriorated it would have been irresponsible not to place her where she could get more care and more stimulation. (It became increasingly difficult to get her out of the house.) She has been in a nursing home for two years. It has been very good for her. She has made friends. She can go to live entertainment, and bingo, and crafts, and movies, and have her hair done all without going through the struggle and hassle of getting dressed for the weather and getting into a car.

I am really glad for you to hear that you were able to support your husband to this extend and your attitude is highly impressive. I hope I can be as strong as you are.

May I ask what kind of tasks the medical team was covering?


Regarding your mother I continue to be even more impressed by your and your sisters’s attitude. I find it great to hear that your mother is having such a great time there.

So in this case you had to reach out for support because you and your sister were lacking the possibilities to support you mother fully?

Something strange going on here. thomastreo and RobertK21, these are a lot of questions. Are you doing research?

Jessie, you have really good insights.

@JessieBelle and GardenArtist: I will copy my answer I gave in a previous post:

Ok, sorry for the confusion. Yes I’m doing research and yes I’m also a caregiver.
My background is as following: I’m studying (IT/Economics) but currently I’m working abroad while my parents are taking care of my grandfather who is paralyzed (He cannot walk, talk or move his right hand). I’m 21 years old and have been taking care of my grandfather for one month. Before that my grandmother was taking care of him which is not an option any more. After I finish my work I will be writing my bachelorthesis until my graduation in September. During this time I’ll be at mostly at home and taking care of my grandfather. The reason why I’m asking this broad questions is that I’m very new to this, I don’t know what I’ll need in the future (As I graduate in September I might move for another job) and the fact that I’m doing research for my bachelorthesis: I have realized through my own experience that family care takers go through a hard time (especially in the beginning) and my bachelorthesis aims at finding out what problems do caregivers have and if there is any way the IT can help this. Originally I wanted to talk to caretakers one in one to find out what their problems are (Which is unfortunately not an easy task) so I decided to think of things that have been giving me a hard time and ask around.

That’s the reason why my questions are so broad and why there are so many of them.

I once again want to apologize highly for the confusion I created.


My experience in caretaking is limited to a few times I have supported my grandmother.

Thank you all once again.

And tomastreo, Robert?

I read your explanation Robert/tomas. I'm afraid your cup won't hold water.

Sorry, forgot about that:

My idea was to separate the questions that are more important to me personally(How to measure progress?, Where to educate myself?, How dependent are people of you?) and the one which I thought would be more relevant for my research (E.g. How much time to spend caregiving a day?, How to handle administrative things?)

Since your story changed and you use two names, you are just a troll IMO. Either that or you're doing some research to see how much time you can get caregivers to waste answering questions with obvious answers.

I answered in your alter ego thread, but I'll repeat it here.

Your research doesn't seem to me to be related to your stated IT/Econ major. Nor can I imagine any adviser for a major thesis accepting something so totally unrelated, as you've stated how you want to address the issue.

If you're looking for information just for yourself, and your family, that's one issue. But to couch it in terms of academic research really stretches the point and insults posters who take THEIR time to help you out.

Perhaps you should spend a few hours reading some of the posts here and you'll see that there are people who really need help, and they currently ARE in a caregiving situation, which you're not.

A few times with your grandmother doesn't constitute caregiving. If you really want to learn more, do some googling and find a good book, but I agree with Jessie.

And frankly, Econ was my major as well and your approach is far from what I'd consider truly academic.

Good sleuthing job, Jessie.

Oh, and by the way, your intro post is a patent, false lie and misrepresentation.

You stated:

"I'm 21 and taking caring of my grandfather and he is 100% dependent of me. If I wouldn't be around he wouldn't be able to get anything done because he has paraplegia."

Then in your other post you stated:

"My experience in caretaking is limited to a few times I have supported my grandmother. "

Your insults to our intelligence are very, very offensive.

So, aside from the thesis questions, are you trying to find out if your parents are capable of taking care of your grandfather, with or without assistance? or do you guys have the caring issues handled?