How dependent are people of you?

My husband had dementia (for ten years). He was not a reliable judge of what he could and could not safely do. I relied on my own observations and also input from his medical team. Everyone was in favor of him doing as much as he could for himself. But that becomes more and more limited as dementia progresses.

My husband very much wanted to stay at home, with me to care for him. I never promised him this, knowing where dementia could take him. But I always said, "I will also see to it you have the best care available. And if it ever happens that I cannot provide that here, I will find a good place that can. I will continue to spend lots of time with you, I will make sure you get good care, and I will advocate for you. I solemnly promise you that I will never abandon you, no matter where you are." As it turned out he was able to stay at home. He was very cooperative with having in-home care to help out.

My mother (95) has severe arthritis. She can no longer stand. She is a two-person transfer, using a mechanical device to lift her. She has dementia. My sisters and I did everything we could to extend the period she could stay in her apartment. She was OK with our help but resisted other help coming in. She lived with one of my sisters for about a year. As her condition deteriorated it would have been irresponsible not to place her where she could get more care and more stimulation. (It became increasingly difficult to get her out of the house.) She has been in a nursing home for two years. It has been very good for her. She has made friends. She can go to live entertainment, and bingo, and crafts, and movies, and have her hair done all without going through the struggle and hassle of getting dressed for the weather and getting into a car.

Since your story changed and you use two names, you are just a troll IMO. Either that or you're doing some research to see how much time you can get caregivers to waste answering questions with obvious answers.

Oh, and by the way, your intro post is a patent, false lie and misrepresentation.

You stated:

"I'm 21 and taking caring of my grandfather and he is 100% dependent of me. If I wouldn't be around he wouldn't be able to get anything done because he has paraplegia."

Then in your other post you stated:

"My experience in caretaking is limited to a few times I have supported my grandmother. "

Your insults to our intelligence are very, very offensive.

My mother depends on me for 75% of the things around here. If I weren't here she would try to make it on her own, most likely, and pay people to help her with groceries and appointments. I don't know how it would work out. She would need to go into assisted living or a nursing home, but would fight against doing that until there was a catastrophe of some type.

Something strange going on here. thomastreo and RobertK21, these are a lot of questions. Are you doing research?

I answered in your alter ego thread, but I'll repeat it here.

Your research doesn't seem to me to be related to your stated IT/Econ major. Nor can I imagine any adviser for a major thesis accepting something so totally unrelated, as you've stated how you want to address the issue.

If you're looking for information just for yourself, and your family, that's one issue. But to couch it in terms of academic research really stretches the point and insults posters who take THEIR time to help you out.

Perhaps you should spend a few hours reading some of the posts here and you'll see that there are people who really need help, and they currently ARE in a caregiving situation, which you're not.

A few times with your grandmother doesn't constitute caregiving. If you really want to learn more, do some googling and find a good book, but I agree with Jessie.

And frankly, Econ was my major as well and your approach is far from what I'd consider truly academic.

Good sleuthing job, Jessie.

1) My husband could not have lived alone. He would have accepted someone else's help if I weren't there.

2) My mother cannot live alone. She is accepting someone else's help, in a nursing home.

Jessie, you have really good insights.

And tomastreo, Robert?

I read your explanation Robert/tomas. I'm afraid your cup won't hold water.