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My sister and I stay with my dying Dad so he will not pass away by himself....scared and alone...he does not derserve to die along without a love one...we are both tired and beat down...we have one sister who lives close by to hospice but only comes in for a little while to visit and tries to take over ...example: he loves old country music and I will play for him..she shuts off and makes smart comments that he needs soft music that this isn't good for him etc...he hates ...we have ask her to stay with daddy so we can take a break but has excuses...we only ask so love one will be with him if he passes ...he is in hospice care...her daughter is 12 years old and mom has offered to stay with daughter which sister make excuse for not helping...she has always been selfish and all about her...she is sister by blood only...she has the personality that likes to start fights and hard to block out to a point I could go off on her. I try not to speak to her and pretend she is invisible cause daddy doesn't need to hear us fussing. So hard not to attack her. I am easy going but can take so much...advise needed.



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It is extremely hard, and I sympathise.

On the occasions when she is there, if you are beginning to find her interference beyond unbearable, take advantage of the moment and go out for a coffee break or some fresh air. I personally found that was the only way to be sure I didn't deck my SIL or drag her away from my mother's bedside by her hair.

On the occasions when she is a no-show, though... a) count your blessings; b) let her be. You are all under terrible stress. No doubt she is doing her best in her own way.
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I have no doubt she might be inclined to write something similar about you. Her feelings and relationship with your father are different than yours, not necessarily better or worse, just different. Don't waste time fighting about who is right, remember dad loves all his children no matter how flawed they are. Allow her to take whatever shifts she offers and spend that time in her own way, and leave as soon as she arrives so you aren't tempted to get into it.
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Janet, it’s hard to accept but you know this situation won’t last forever. Is your sister the same kind of daughter that she is a sister? I was wondering, if you want Dad to pass with a loved one, you take a break then when you get back, your other sister can go. I wonder if you have Hospice, they don’t offer a person who would sit with Dad if you both want to go together. In my mother-in-law’s case, she did have an aide who sat with her. Also, put yourself between Dad’s music and sis when she comes in and tell her to leave it alone.

Sending your dad much peace. God bless.
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Janet: I agree with jeannegibbs. I have the same type of sibling; comes to visit our mother only occasionally (4 times in 16 months!) and when she does she tries to take over and likes to pick fights. It's not about the sibling, it's about the parent. If you have to, leave when she's there so you don't get sucked into her negativity. I think your approach of not speaking to her is good, but again, if it gets to the point where you can't stand it, leave.
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Janet, continue to do what seems to be best for your dad. If her visits are short you can play the music he likes after she leaves. I'd do what you are doing -- ignore her and avoid conflicts. Your dad doesn't need that.
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