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My mom was kidnapped by my older sibling whom she hasnt seen in 20 years. My mom who was undergoing memory testing for Dementia told one of her sisters she was being abused. That sister on other hand whom I thought was helping organized the whole kidnapping. Of course my mom is vulnerable and she went freely. I found my mom six month later in a new state starting a whole new life. And all the family member called me ugly names made threats to kill me becasue they believed mom when I was trying to share she has memory loss. Matters worst my sister makes her file for divorce from her husband of 52 years of marrige. My mom is presenting very well in her new state they don't believe she has any memory loss. I was in the process of guardianship.

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Bide your time. Your Moms disease will manifest itself and they then may realize that it wasn't you. A person with Dementia can "showtime". But that is only going to last so long as they move from stage to stage. Right now your family is in denial. They are making excuses for her behaviour.

You really can do nothing at this point. Its her word against yours. And if you have POA, unless its "immediate" you can do nothing unless she is declared incompetent. If they spend her money, then they will pay the piper when she is turned down for Medicaid because they took her money. But please, don't allow yourself to be drawn in. Think really hard about caring for her on ur own or financially. Your future is at stake too. Hope her husband (guessing he is not ur father) got a good lawyer.

All u can do for now is send her cards maybe flowers telling her u love her and think about her often. And sit back and allow the drama to unfold. They will be contacting you saying its ur time to care for Mom. This will be after they go thru her money and find they can't care for someone suffering from Dementia. Thats when u either say "u made ur bed" or u take on the responsibility.
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Slowrow Dec 8, 2019
Thanks this is the best advice.
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What a terrible story, but there might be an element of truth in what your mother says. Perhaps your father has been abusive in some way, or not. If she has memory loss, she can get very paranoid and think everyone is lying or cheating her, because she can't remember. And I would be concerned as well that your relatives want to take advantage of her financially. It is not a kidnapping if she went voluntarily.

At this point there isn't much you can do, except back off and gain her trust again, and check on her later to make sure she is OK. They probably think that they rescued her. If there is any way you can be with her or talk to her alone at some point in the future, then maybe you can find out where she is with all this. Don't accuse or judge yet, that will just make her defensive. If she is losing her memory to the point that she needs a guardian, then it will become apparent soon enough to her saviors. If at all possible, find a way to keep an eye on her finances, but don't do or touch anything without permission. If you see large transfers of money or anything alarming, then contact the authorities.

Meanwhile get some legal advice, perhaps with your dad along, if he is capable.
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Slowrow Dec 8, 2019
No my dad is disabled he is an amputee confined to a wheel chair never saw him touch her in all my life.
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Let it go. This is actually a gift. Move on with your life. We can want whatever we want. That doesn't make it happen. Your mother and her other children have made this choice. You do not have a choice or a say in the matter, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about that. You have no choice but to move on with your life and let them know you love and care about them, and will hope they will contact you if they ever wish to see you.
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Why not just let it go. She is their problem now, why do you continue to put up with all this nonsense. Go about the business of living your life. Go no contact and move forward.
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Lymie61 Dec 7, 2019
Probably because it's her mother and she doesn't want to write off all contact with her mother. But you make a good point and I agree when it comes to the "care" of and decisions about mom. Rather than fight with or try to convince the brick wall that is her sister and aunt (I guess) I think I would try to establish some sort of truce/relationship with the family and gain some access to mom. It may not be ideal but what's most important is the ability to have some relationship with mom.
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