How do you convince your elderly parents to move to an independent living facility?


First of all up to this point, I have not found a better site for caregivers. And we need this!
To make a long story short, and leaving our some details, after my parents retired, they moved to be near my brother & his wife. Now, some 30 years later, my brother & his wife will be moving 10 hours away (driving) & my parents will be "alone". I live 6 hours away & am trying to get them into an independent living facility near me. They live in a townhouse with good neighbors and do pretty well even though they both have underlying health problems (heart disease, mobility, hard of hearing, osteoporosis, etc). Dad is 90 Mom is 86 & Dad does not like to drive due to vision deficits. They have modest resources & based on the fees quoted, he is afraid he will run out of money if they go to an Independent living complex. I have stressed over & over that this is his money & he should spend it on himself & Mom, but he just can't seem to get there. Also, the idea of selling the house, some contents, & moving 6 hours away seems overwhelming. My husband & I have also stressed that this is a doable project that we can handle. Dad WILL have to spend some money to pull this off, but he can't bring himself to do this. They have both recently had acute illnesses which fortunately were able to be treated at home, but there will come a time when this won't be feasible. I drive to see them about every other month & help with whatever they need. However, there has been no movement toward getting rid of excess possessions or simplifying finances & I have offered to help with this. My worry is that there will be another health crisis & I won't be able to get there for a day or so & in the mean time, they will be stuck. They are private people, not necessarily prone to needing frequent social activities. They currently have someone coming in once a week for household help, but there have been so many personnel changes that they are ready to give this up. I need someone to at least "lay eyes" on them to let me know if there are any declines further declines.
If anyone has any ideas about how to help them move near me, I would appreciate it. It would help ME help THEM.

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Are you in touch with their doctor? Could you accompany them to their next appointment, either in person or via phone to get an idea of how they are doing?

The fact that dad is finding this project overwhelming and balks at the concept of a care manager, downsizing or organizing for a move suggests some cognitive impaiment to me.

Is your brother in the area, or has he already moved? What is his assessment of dad's state of mind?

You may have to take some time and go take over the organization and the move.
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Thaks for these prompt responses. Pamstegma the personnel changes were initiated by staff wanting to do other things. Parents have been given Christmas presents by caregivers so I don't think they're being difficult. I tried a care manager, but despite explicit explanations, they did not understand the concept & balked at the expense.
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Would it be possible to leave them in place and have a care manager? If the weekly help is constantly turning over, that suggests the parents are being difficult, or even nasty. Be sure you have DPOA for both of them.
Dad should NOT be driving. Make other arrangements for transportation as well.
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What worked with me and my folks (in their early 80s at the time) was telling them that the stress of caring for them was killing ME. They lived 240 miles away from me at the time and I'd get a call at work and have to fly out of there and drive 4 hours to get to them. We had no other relatives in town. My brother and his wife live states away, so it would be me doing the caregiving. Since I come from a military family (used to moving), they agreed without a lot of fuss.

So maybe frame it in the context of what YOU need to continue to be their caregiver without it harming your health or happiness. Fourteen years later, my mom is still here and I'm still taking care of her. I'd be dead by now if they hadn't moved. Not a doubt in my mind. Good luck and keep us posted.
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